Week off - day four:

It is on today, the fourth day off, that I can say that I've attained some sort of baseline level of recovery from the wretchedness that is work. One week, however, is not enough to give me the clarity to walk in on Monday and give notice. I'd like to say I'm eyeing particular dates, but I'm always eyeing dates and nothing ever gets done.

I also came close to the surface of considering my priorities.

If I grabbed my priorities and owned them, I would give notice right away. This isn't what I want to be doing. It's a safety net and it's not even the kind of safety net that I want. Safety net! I don't even want to be here and I'm talking about safety nets!

What even are my priorities when I don't even want to be here? First of all, get rid of the safety net. Second, get rid of all the stuff. Third, jump off that bridge when I get to it. Not literally, but that might be the most important one. Maybe literally. Something has to happen. Something has to change.

Today's gray and cold gloom had me wondering how to get through another rainy season intact, but then I realized, "I wonder that every year". Get over it.

Coming home from Beale Street, I think I found a fairly reliable test of my sobriety. Put me on a bike and tell me to ride with no hands. I can do it, but the amount of wobble will indicate how drunk I am. If I fall over, you probably don't want me driving you home.

I wish I could get paid for waking up in the morning and lying in bed for another two hours in the warmth of my incredibly comfy sheets.