My daily routine is mindfully aware of and loosely based on their schedule. There are things I do when they are not around and things I do when they are around, and the general principle is that they know as little as possible what I'm doing.
It's irrational, neurotic, and a little sick and twisted.
For example, I usually don't go out in the evening. Not because they don't want me to, they have no opinion at all on what I do, and if there is something I really want to do, I'll do it. It's just the idea of them being aware of my movements, or that there is something I'm doing. I don't want them to know. I don't want them to think about it.
I sneak from one room to another. I repress myself, it's the price of having moved back into their house and not having a job, a temporary situation, inshah'allah, and I can't tell you how good it feels to have them not here, and having this total freedom, this luxury. I'm sleeping in my bed for these two weeks.
August 4, 1998 - Taipei, Taiwan
