Diary of an insomniac

Yeehaw! I got at least 5 1/2 hours of sleep. I thought I got more, but then I remembered that it was getting light outside by the time I went to sleep so it was after 5:00 a.m. When I woke up I turned toward my clock expecting it to be 7:00 or 8:00, but it was just past 11:00 a.m. so that felt really good. Since then I've still been groggy and slow due to the accumulated sleep loss over the past week and weeks. Like I took in a roll of film to be developed and I set my bike outside the photo shop and I think, I don't remember, I didn't lock it because I would only be inside for a few minutes and I could see my bike at all times. I gave them my film, asked for no pictures and only a CD as I always do, paid, was told it would be ready at 7:00 p.m., and walked out.

I'm guessing that it was at this point that I was so out of it that I mindlessly locked my bike, just automatically doing the bike lock habit thing when I either get to my bike or leave it. I then put my backpack in the front basket, also habit, kicked up the kickstand and tried to move the bike only to find it locked. Puzzled and annoyed since I didn't think I locked it and don't remember locking it, I proceeded to unlock it and told myself to be more mindful. Then I took my backpack out of the front basket, started to wheel the bike backwards and . . . why the hell did I take the backpack out of the basket?

The weather has finally started heating up. I haven't been riding. Just not in the mood. I keep telling myself I'll go, though. Same with running. But I keep drinking, too. Come to think of it I've lost all motivation for music, too. After quitting the band I've been to a drum practice room exactly once. I've all but stopped carrying a shakuhachi around, which I attribute to sucky closures of certain parts of the riverside bikeways. Haven't touched my bass for months. I still sometimes pick up my guitar and warble a tune to myself. I think I'll have a drink.

I lost that 'clear point' in sitting that I mentioned before. That's a good thing really, because it shows that it wasn't just a fluke, something easy. It's not easy. And needs more work, but in touching it I know it's real. I need a new method, a new approach to it. I may have touched it but it was just a cursory glimpse, no real understanding of it. But since then my mind has been chattery and wander-y more than ever. It's a non-stop din, worse than before.

I've made plans to go back to the U.S. for 3 weeks starting in mid-June. It's a free ticket so I first go to Japan, then to San Francisco, and then to Newark. Coming back I go to Vancouver, Canada, then Incheon, Korea, then back to Taipei.

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