If there's one thing this weblog has taught me is that at my honestest, I'm still not very honest with myself. Still so much hidden, still so much veiled (thinly!), still so much double-meaninged. And in what I don't post, so much that I just can't face.

How do you people do it? How do you feel like you belong in this world? How do you feel like you like to be in this world? How do you want to be here, because if you accept being here just because you were put here, I just don't get it.

Don't get me wrong, this world is quite wonderful at its best, and there's so much that I appreciate and love so much that I just want to explode. I don't take this for granted. It could be far worse. I just can't be brought to just accept this flesh, blood and bone, and that it is life.

I got a call from my old bandmate, and I can't go on ignoring her, I have to reply this time, it would seriously be bad form not to reply, so I will. I just have this instinct to tear things down and leave things behind and run the hell away.

I took the bus to work because it was rainy, and watching the old Chinese folk with their perceived different cultural mindsets made me want to run away to another country and be an ex-pat. Shake things up, see more.

But I'm not that brave, I'm not that resourceful. And even those who I love I will eventually run away from, even in the scene where I'm supposed to be going door to door for someone just to give me a chance. I'll line up all the people I've decided to love, and I'll turn around and walk away. (just so that they don't walk away from me?)

A day and a half more at my job. It's not a big deal. The big deal was giving notice, that was the 100% commitment. The actual last day is not the 100% commitment, it's irrelevant, it's merely the vacant, vacuous act; 100% commitment symbolized. Trim down these four weeks between 100% commitment and the act into a matter of minutes or seconds, and now we're talking.

"Bored now"
- Vampire Willow