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| TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 5:29 p.m. - Sunset along the bikeway. |
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| THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 4:08 p.m. |
Saturday, September 30, 2006
photography Sept 26-30
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Without a road bike in Taiwan, I've gone back to running, hoping it's been a long enough time for my knees and back to have forgotten that they were sports injury casualites. After a fear from soreness in my lower back early on, I think I'm faring fairly well. I'm not going to do the distances I used to do, I'm too old for that now, considering the battering I've given my body through the years, but I'm satisfied with 7:30 miles over 3 miles I've been doing. No, nothing to brag about, but I'm just happy to feel injury free.
I run on a path that goes around Daan Park, across the street from where I live. I suppose it's Taipei's central park, but it's modest at best. Less than a mile and a half around, and I usually go around twice or twice and a half.
My running, however, has recently reflected my overall mental state, and I had started becoming less patient with the local Taiwanese pedestrian traffic on the running path. Aggressive, aggravated, even hostile. It was getting really bad, and I tried justifying it by saying that at least I'm aware of it, and not just reacting blindly to emotions the way most people do, being a slave to them. Right, so I'm a slave with awareness. Yay?
I tried justifying it by saying that negative and positive are both parts of this world, we can't always go denying the negative aspects and putting them down saying they don't belong. Like Chris in the Morning said, "Sometimes you just gotta do something bad to let yourself know you're alive."
Yesterday, I went out for a run, and as soon as my feet hit the pavement for my warm-up jog, I didn't feel like running. I was drained, tired, frustrated, maybe depressed. I dragged myself along, wandering towards my starting point where I stretch, do sit-ups and push-ups on the far side of Daan Park.
I stopped, considered turning around and going home, then decided to bag the idea of a "run", and just force myself to do a slow jog around the park. When I got to my usual starting point, all the fitness apparati were clear, so I decided to make a half-hearted effort to do my warm-up routine, and surprised myself by completing my 50 sit-ups, 20 push-ups and stretching.
I then felt I had enough energy to do a modest run, so I decided to go two times around, easy pace. As I set off, I said to myself out loud, "be civil," and with that I committed myself to giving everyone I encountered the right of way, even if it meant breaking my pace. No aggressive acts or gestures (yes, it was that bad), no brushing by people with millimeters to spare or even buzzing them.
It was so much better. It felt so much better giving people the right of way and communicating with a gesture for them to go first, calling out to let them know I was coming from the left or right side. It was so much better making a connection and communicating.
Really, pedestrians in Taipei for some reason don't look where they're going and often don't notice something coming at them or about to hit them or bump into them until it's about two feet away. But all it takes is communication, a connection, and something else is there. Something's different.
And something has to happen. Something has to change. I'm getting bored with my life in Taipei. I don't like who I'm becoming in the material world.
That was a good run. I felt good afterwards for the first time in a few. Need to remember that.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. We Will Rock You (Queen)
2. 'Cross the Breeze (Sonic Youth)
3. Love Will Light the Way ("Haibane Renmei")
4. Soun Tha Mi Primer Amor (Kinky)
5. You Almost Feel Sad (J Church)
6. Honey Pie (The Beatles)
7. You Won't Be An Orphan for Long ("Annie")
8. Swamp (Talking Heads)
9. Failure (Kings of Convenience)
10. On Earth (The Sundays)
I run on a path that goes around Daan Park, across the street from where I live. I suppose it's Taipei's central park, but it's modest at best. Less than a mile and a half around, and I usually go around twice or twice and a half.
My running, however, has recently reflected my overall mental state, and I had started becoming less patient with the local Taiwanese pedestrian traffic on the running path. Aggressive, aggravated, even hostile. It was getting really bad, and I tried justifying it by saying that at least I'm aware of it, and not just reacting blindly to emotions the way most people do, being a slave to them. Right, so I'm a slave with awareness. Yay?
I tried justifying it by saying that negative and positive are both parts of this world, we can't always go denying the negative aspects and putting them down saying they don't belong. Like Chris in the Morning said, "Sometimes you just gotta do something bad to let yourself know you're alive."
Yesterday, I went out for a run, and as soon as my feet hit the pavement for my warm-up jog, I didn't feel like running. I was drained, tired, frustrated, maybe depressed. I dragged myself along, wandering towards my starting point where I stretch, do sit-ups and push-ups on the far side of Daan Park.
I stopped, considered turning around and going home, then decided to bag the idea of a "run", and just force myself to do a slow jog around the park. When I got to my usual starting point, all the fitness apparati were clear, so I decided to make a half-hearted effort to do my warm-up routine, and surprised myself by completing my 50 sit-ups, 20 push-ups and stretching.
I then felt I had enough energy to do a modest run, so I decided to go two times around, easy pace. As I set off, I said to myself out loud, "be civil," and with that I committed myself to giving everyone I encountered the right of way, even if it meant breaking my pace. No aggressive acts or gestures (yes, it was that bad), no brushing by people with millimeters to spare or even buzzing them.
It was so much better. It felt so much better giving people the right of way and communicating with a gesture for them to go first, calling out to let them know I was coming from the left or right side. It was so much better making a connection and communicating.
Really, pedestrians in Taipei for some reason don't look where they're going and often don't notice something coming at them or about to hit them or bump into them until it's about two feet away. But all it takes is communication, a connection, and something else is there. Something's different.
And something has to happen. Something has to change. I'm getting bored with my life in Taipei. I don't like who I'm becoming in the material world.
That was a good run. I felt good afterwards for the first time in a few. Need to remember that.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. We Will Rock You (Queen)
2. 'Cross the Breeze (Sonic Youth)
3. Love Will Light the Way ("Haibane Renmei")
4. Soun Tha Mi Primer Amor (Kinky)
5. You Almost Feel Sad (J Church)
6. Honey Pie (The Beatles)
7. You Won't Be An Orphan for Long ("Annie")
8. Swamp (Talking Heads)
9. Failure (Kings of Convenience)
10. On Earth (The Sundays)
Monday, September 25, 2006
Putting my own "code" to my own scrutiny, I couldn't commit suicide now because there are people who are simply too close to me, and by my own estimation, they don't understand these aspects of me well enough for me to be able to do it in good conscience.
These people are too ordinary, their reactions would be of ordinary people. This is in contrast to family, who under few circumstances should prevent me from committing suicide. If anything, they're a reason I should.
This is in contrast to exceptional friends like Sadie, who knew these things about me, who wouldn't be too surprised (disappointed maybe, upset maybe, not surprised), who poked around enough that they lost their "immunity".
Mind you, these people I'm talking about, or rather this person, I am holding far away enough from me that my self-restraint has its bounds. And it's not a consideration that she hasn't been the best of friends; that sometimes she was a downright sucky friend with no loyalty to me.
It's just that she is close right now, and whatever ultimately weak relationship we have, it's just something I couldn't do. There will be a time soon when she will no longer be a part of my life, and then she will not be a reason to not do it.
Mind you, this is all theoretical. Nothing about this suggests I'm going to commit suicide. Not even try. Just try to keep pushing myself towards it.
These people are too ordinary, their reactions would be of ordinary people. This is in contrast to family, who under few circumstances should prevent me from committing suicide. If anything, they're a reason I should.
This is in contrast to exceptional friends like Sadie, who knew these things about me, who wouldn't be too surprised (disappointed maybe, upset maybe, not surprised), who poked around enough that they lost their "immunity".
Mind you, these people I'm talking about, or rather this person, I am holding far away enough from me that my self-restraint has its bounds. And it's not a consideration that she hasn't been the best of friends; that sometimes she was a downright sucky friend with no loyalty to me.
It's just that she is close right now, and whatever ultimately weak relationship we have, it's just something I couldn't do. There will be a time soon when she will no longer be a part of my life, and then she will not be a reason to not do it.
Mind you, this is all theoretical. Nothing about this suggests I'm going to commit suicide. Not even try. Just try to keep pushing myself towards it.
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| 3:36-4:27 p.m. - Riding on the Danshui riverside bikeway. Yangmingshan range in the distance. |
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| Gongguan or Guting riverside park under construction (or contemplating construction). |
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| Gongguan riverside access point. |
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Some of my personal revelations from the Tibetan Book of the Dead:
- Manifest reality is the path, there is no finding the path, there is no getting on the path, there is no falling off the path.
- The aim of liberation in the death bardos is the same idea as the aim of liberation in the life bardos.
- Liberation in the death bardos is easier than in the life bardos, however, the ability to attain liberation in the death bardos relies on cultivation in the life bardos.
- What I'm looking forward to in death, is what I should be looking for in life. I don't know if that's right.
I need to keep trying to commit suicide. That may be where the passion lies. I don't know if that's right, either. But try something.
Digital photography Sept. 18-23 (Ricoh Caplio R4):
- Manifest reality is the path, there is no finding the path, there is no getting on the path, there is no falling off the path.
- The aim of liberation in the death bardos is the same idea as the aim of liberation in the life bardos.
- Liberation in the death bardos is easier than in the life bardos, however, the ability to attain liberation in the death bardos relies on cultivation in the life bardos.
- What I'm looking forward to in death, is what I should be looking for in life. I don't know if that's right.
I need to keep trying to commit suicide. That may be where the passion lies. I don't know if that's right, either. But try something.
Digital photography Sept. 18-23 (Ricoh Caplio R4):
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| Monday, September 18, 4:37 p.m. - honkin' huge tea ball |
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Shilin photostroll
Pentax ZX-5n, Kodak BW400CN:
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| Bridge over the Waishuangxi along the red line MRT. Scan. |
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| Ramp from bridge to the Waishuangxi bikeways. Scan. |
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| Waishuangxi riverside path. The rest are CD-R. |
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| Empty lot. Potential. |
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| 2:42 p.m. - Children's Amusement Park. |
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| 3:02 p.m. - Taipei Astronomy Museum |
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| 3:02 p.m. - National Taiwan Science Education Center. |
Friday, September 15, 2006
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| The Banquet, or in Mandarin 夜宴 (Ye Yan). |
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| 1:47 p.m. - Plaza with a dancing fountain on the north side of Taipei 101. |
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| 2:54 p.m. - Xinyi Vieshow movie theater. Pouring rain. |
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| 2:56 p.m. - And you wouldn't believe who I was with! The angled edge of the Taipei 101 building is at the upper left. This footbridge connects Taipei 101 with Vieshow theaters as well as all the buildings in the shopping area for about a quarter mile. |
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
You see, the thing is, that distraction of Hyun Ae didn't end when I said it did. It did, but it didn't. We've continued to hang out – a lot, since I'm the only classmate left to hang out with, or else things would be different I shouldn't wonder – but she's not a distraction anymore. The pulls I felt before are still pulls, but they aren't pulling me anymore.
I really feel like I'm growing to love her, but I'm not at all interested in "love"; I'm not at all attracted to "being with" her. I don't "want" her, I don't desire her. I do, but I don't.
The realities are all there, but the realities aren't reality. Kinda Diamond Sutra-esque (The realities aren't realities, which is why they can be called realities). That's what those meditations have been helping with. Keeping things in perspective.
The joy generation meditation is important because when I was pulled by her pulls, I suffered because I thought I was happy. Then I was unhappy when I realized her pulls are for anyone, not just me. I wasn't special, and I was unhappy when the pulls weren't there; weren't for me.
The joy generation meditation reminds me that my happiness isn't a function of someone else pulling me or giving me attention, or making me feel like I'm wanted. She can pull now, and I'm happy. Then when she stops pulling, I can still be happy.
The pristine cognition meditation acts as a complement, as it helps me recognize her as a manifestation of pristine cognition, of myself. She is a form arising, and when she walks away, she's a form fading. Her form arises from the ground of enlightenment, she is pristine cognition, and the pristine cognition is no different from me. When I'm with her, she is no different from me, and when she leaves, she doesn't leave.
The four noble truths meditation helps remind me of the path I'm on, and that I'm at a completely different stage of life as her. Ironic because the four noble truths are often the starting point for these teachings, and they were for me, too, so long ago. And here they still are, as if I'm still at the starting point.
Otherwise, it's here's my path, where does she fit into it? I try to practice mindful speech with her; I try to practice mindful action with her; I try to practice mindful thought with her; I try to practice mindful service to her; I try to make mindful effort with her; I try to practice mindful wisdom with her; I try to practice mindful meditation with her; I try to express mindful compassion to and with her.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. Sexy Sadie (The Beatles)
2. Incommunicado (Marillion)
3. Hole In My Life (The Police)
4. I Don't Care Much ("Cabaret")
5. Missile (Blonde Redhead)
6. Biko (live) (Peter Gabriel)
7. Impengu Dek Bengi Kai (Street Musicians of Java)
8. Rousseau (Pinback)
9. Weather Forecast (Dreams Come True)
10. The Silent Sun (Genesis)
I really feel like I'm growing to love her, but I'm not at all interested in "love"; I'm not at all attracted to "being with" her. I don't "want" her, I don't desire her. I do, but I don't.
The realities are all there, but the realities aren't reality. Kinda Diamond Sutra-esque (The realities aren't realities, which is why they can be called realities). That's what those meditations have been helping with. Keeping things in perspective.
The joy generation meditation is important because when I was pulled by her pulls, I suffered because I thought I was happy. Then I was unhappy when I realized her pulls are for anyone, not just me. I wasn't special, and I was unhappy when the pulls weren't there; weren't for me.
The joy generation meditation reminds me that my happiness isn't a function of someone else pulling me or giving me attention, or making me feel like I'm wanted. She can pull now, and I'm happy. Then when she stops pulling, I can still be happy.
The pristine cognition meditation acts as a complement, as it helps me recognize her as a manifestation of pristine cognition, of myself. She is a form arising, and when she walks away, she's a form fading. Her form arises from the ground of enlightenment, she is pristine cognition, and the pristine cognition is no different from me. When I'm with her, she is no different from me, and when she leaves, she doesn't leave.
The four noble truths meditation helps remind me of the path I'm on, and that I'm at a completely different stage of life as her. Ironic because the four noble truths are often the starting point for these teachings, and they were for me, too, so long ago. And here they still are, as if I'm still at the starting point.
Otherwise, it's here's my path, where does she fit into it? I try to practice mindful speech with her; I try to practice mindful action with her; I try to practice mindful thought with her; I try to practice mindful service to her; I try to make mindful effort with her; I try to practice mindful wisdom with her; I try to practice mindful meditation with her; I try to express mindful compassion to and with her.
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| 12:37 p.m. - Da'an Park footbridge, my constant default subject, in the constant rain. |
1. Sexy Sadie (The Beatles)
2. Incommunicado (Marillion)
3. Hole In My Life (The Police)
4. I Don't Care Much ("Cabaret")
5. Missile (Blonde Redhead)
6. Biko (live) (Peter Gabriel)
7. Impengu Dek Bengi Kai (Street Musicians of Java)
8. Rousseau (Pinback)
9. Weather Forecast (Dreams Come True)
10. The Silent Sun (Genesis)
Monday, September 11, 2006
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| Sunday, September 10, 4:28 p.m. - New residential building? Side lane in the Shida area in the usual drear. |
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| September 11, 7:13 p.m. - Shida main library, annex campus. A post earlier this month shows the curved exterior of a building. This is what it looks on the inside. |
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| 7:22 p.m. - Love the name of this restaurant. On a lane off Heping East Rd. between school and home. |
American Tune (Paul Simon - 1973)
Many's the time I've been mistaken
And many times confused
Yes, and I've often felt forsaken and certainly misused
Ah, but I'm all right, I'm all right
I'm just weary to my bones
Still, you don't expect to be bright and bon vivant
So far away from home
So far away from home
And I don't know a soul who's not been battered,
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered or driven to its knees
But it's all right, it's all right
For we lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the road we're traveling on
I wonder what's gone wrong
I can't help it, I wonder what's gone wrong
And I dreamed I was dying
I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
And looking back down at me
Smiled reassuringly
And I dreamed I was flying
And high up above, my eyes could clearly see
The Statue of Liberty
Sailing away to sea
And I dreamed I was flying
We come on the ship they call the Mayflower
We come on the ship that sailed the moon
We come in the age's most uncertain hours and sing an American tune
But it's all right, it's all right, it's all right
You can't be forever blessed
Still, tomorrow's going to be another working day
And I'm trying to get some rest
That's all, I'm trying to get some rest
My own caption: "Crikey, this is like the worst cover of this song on YouTube! Everyone else's is better. I even just gave myself a thumbs down. Curses to people who actually can hold pitch."
Many's the time I've been mistaken
And many times confused
Yes, and I've often felt forsaken and certainly misused
Ah, but I'm all right, I'm all right
I'm just weary to my bones
Still, you don't expect to be bright and bon vivant
So far away from home
So far away from home
And I don't know a soul who's not been battered,
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered or driven to its knees
But it's all right, it's all right
For we lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the road we're traveling on
I wonder what's gone wrong
I can't help it, I wonder what's gone wrong
And I dreamed I was dying
I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
And looking back down at me
Smiled reassuringly
And I dreamed I was flying
And high up above, my eyes could clearly see
The Statue of Liberty
Sailing away to sea
And I dreamed I was flying
We come on the ship they call the Mayflower
We come on the ship that sailed the moon
We come in the age's most uncertain hours and sing an American tune
But it's all right, it's all right, it's all right
You can't be forever blessed
Still, tomorrow's going to be another working day
And I'm trying to get some rest
That's all, I'm trying to get some rest
My own caption: "Crikey, this is like the worst cover of this song on YouTube! Everyone else's is better. I even just gave myself a thumbs down. Curses to people who actually can hold pitch."
Saturday, September 09, 2006
I've been carrying three meditations with me simultaneously these days to get through them.
I haven't actually been implementing the joy generation meditation because I'm lazy, but I've been carrying it around, and that in itself has been good. Just knowing it's there, just recognizing it there creates a little brief glow of joy.
I may also be a little afraid of implementing it and finding it not working. Was it just my imagination? If I'm generating joy from within, how can it be real if it's not connected to something without?
I'm not really afraid. If it stops working, all meditations have times when they work, and times when they don't. It depends on my state of mind during a given time period. If it's false, then that's truth, and I'm ready to throw it away if it turns out to not be a truth to me.
I've also been carrying around the pristine cognition meditation, which isn't really new, but may just be a new form from concentrating on the idea of the word "pristine cognition". It is focusing on all my surrounding reality as a primordial pristine cognition, rising to manifest in these forms, and immediately fading into other forms as I move, as time moves.
Nothing is real in itself, but is all a form of the ground of enlightenment, all of it is the path, all of it is everything, all of it is teaching me, all of it is me learning. Each moment is a karma manifesting moment arising out of the pristine cognition, each moment is a karma creating moment that we have individual control/mindfulness over.
Finally, I've been carrying around my "four point starting point", a meditation loosely based on some other teaching called the Four Noble Truths, but I don't like taking teachings as they're given, until I've processed them through my own reality and understanding.
Point one: Life is impermanence. Everything we sense or perceive is in flux and will not last or stay the same. Even history is impermanent, because past fact is still a function of present perception.
Point two: Human suffering is caused by attachment to, desire for, or aversion from things that are by nature impermanent. A great line I read once relating to this is, "We all strive for happiness, but we keep doing things that make us unhappy".
Point three: It is possible to cultivate a life perspective/philosophy that strives to understand and minimize the suffering.
Point four: A teacher, who went by the name of Bud A., once recommended an 8-point path to follow to cultivate that life perspective/philosophy. His 8-points, I think, were more geared towards monks, but is a good starting point for each of us to implement our freedom to come up with our own 8-point path.
His were:
1. Right understanding
2. Right intention
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration.
Mine, for the time being, are:
1. Mindful speech
2. Mindful action
3. Mindful thought
4. Mindful service
5. Mindful effort
6. Mindful wisdom
7. Mindful meditation
8. Mindful compassion
How do these help me get through my days? The joy generating meditation helps remind me that joy shouldn't be sought for on the outside, and is something inherent in or about myself. The pristine cognition meditation is very practical for me because it is immediate in every moment of my day to think of this process happening now. And the four point starting point meditation helps connect me to an established tradition, even though I'm making it my own, and implements a structure to the general path.
Or not.
I haven't actually been implementing the joy generation meditation because I'm lazy, but I've been carrying it around, and that in itself has been good. Just knowing it's there, just recognizing it there creates a little brief glow of joy.
I may also be a little afraid of implementing it and finding it not working. Was it just my imagination? If I'm generating joy from within, how can it be real if it's not connected to something without?
I'm not really afraid. If it stops working, all meditations have times when they work, and times when they don't. It depends on my state of mind during a given time period. If it's false, then that's truth, and I'm ready to throw it away if it turns out to not be a truth to me.
I've also been carrying around the pristine cognition meditation, which isn't really new, but may just be a new form from concentrating on the idea of the word "pristine cognition". It is focusing on all my surrounding reality as a primordial pristine cognition, rising to manifest in these forms, and immediately fading into other forms as I move, as time moves.
Nothing is real in itself, but is all a form of the ground of enlightenment, all of it is the path, all of it is everything, all of it is teaching me, all of it is me learning. Each moment is a karma manifesting moment arising out of the pristine cognition, each moment is a karma creating moment that we have individual control/mindfulness over.
Finally, I've been carrying around my "four point starting point", a meditation loosely based on some other teaching called the Four Noble Truths, but I don't like taking teachings as they're given, until I've processed them through my own reality and understanding.
Point one: Life is impermanence. Everything we sense or perceive is in flux and will not last or stay the same. Even history is impermanent, because past fact is still a function of present perception.
Point two: Human suffering is caused by attachment to, desire for, or aversion from things that are by nature impermanent. A great line I read once relating to this is, "We all strive for happiness, but we keep doing things that make us unhappy".
Point three: It is possible to cultivate a life perspective/philosophy that strives to understand and minimize the suffering.
Point four: A teacher, who went by the name of Bud A., once recommended an 8-point path to follow to cultivate that life perspective/philosophy. His 8-points, I think, were more geared towards monks, but is a good starting point for each of us to implement our freedom to come up with our own 8-point path.
His were:
1. Right understanding
2. Right intention
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration.
Mine, for the time being, are:
1. Mindful speech
2. Mindful action
3. Mindful thought
4. Mindful service
5. Mindful effort
6. Mindful wisdom
7. Mindful meditation
8. Mindful compassion
How do these help me get through my days? The joy generating meditation helps remind me that joy shouldn't be sought for on the outside, and is something inherent in or about myself. The pristine cognition meditation is very practical for me because it is immediate in every moment of my day to think of this process happening now. And the four point starting point meditation helps connect me to an established tradition, even though I'm making it my own, and implements a structure to the general path.
Or not.
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| THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2:55 p.m. - default shot. |
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| FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2:02-2:14 p.m. - still hanging out with each other. Believe it or not, the top pic I was shooting the poster. Don't believe me? Oh well. |
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| SEPTEMBER 9, 12:52 p.m. - Taipei architecture from the Taida campus. |
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| 7:56 p.m. - Miramar Mall, Dajia. Chances are that if I was in Dajia, I was with Hyun Ae. |
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Clear light.
Pristine cognition.
These are two ways the same concept has been translated from Tibetan. It's good having these two, kind of disparate, translations of the same abstract concept. It stops me from thinking about it concretely and forces me to just try and get a sense of it, knowing the words are flawed.
Staring out the 8th floor window at school, I think of all reality manifesting from this pristine cognition, this dark energy, 'dark' in that it's unknowable. Reality rises out of it and fades back into it moment to moment, transforming, fluxing.
There is no path to look for, this is the path. This is the ground of enlightenment, and enlightenment doesn't stop anything, it doesn't change anything.
Life and death don't matter, either, because it's the same thing happening, it's the same path. From one life, traveling and practicing through the death bardos, into another life, it's a continuum.
Death doesn't matter. How or when doesn't matter. However, splitting qualitative hairs is valid. I still think the Tibetan view of human life being uniquely endowed with liberty and opportunity for furthering one's practice is valid.
However, the full spectrum of taking advantage of our liberties and opportunities requires not turning the idea into a dogmatic, moralistic proscription against suicide. Suicide is also part of the pristine cognition, it is also part of the path. People commit suicide, therefore it is part of their path. The opportunity for anyone to commit suicide is always there, therefore it may always arise out of the pristine cognition.
What the hell? Why am I all of a sudden talking about suicide? Oh yea, blog url (old url: suicideblog.blogspot -ed.). But damn it's old, I think I've written everything I want to about it, and until I come with anything knew, I'm bored. Stop boring me.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. Countdown (John Coltrane)
2. Our Time ("Merrily We Roll Along" - Sondheim)
3. Mouths of Babes (Smashing Pumpkins)
4. Sango Jyugo Ya (Chitose Hajime)
5. It's Only Love (The Beatles - Anthology)
6. Check It Out Ch'all (Paris)
7. Assassination on X-Mas Eve (Archers of Loaf)
8. Peel Away Velleity (June of 44)
9. Warning Sign (live) (Talking Heads)
10. Last Exit (Pearl Jam)
Pristine cognition.
These are two ways the same concept has been translated from Tibetan. It's good having these two, kind of disparate, translations of the same abstract concept. It stops me from thinking about it concretely and forces me to just try and get a sense of it, knowing the words are flawed.
Staring out the 8th floor window at school, I think of all reality manifesting from this pristine cognition, this dark energy, 'dark' in that it's unknowable. Reality rises out of it and fades back into it moment to moment, transforming, fluxing.
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| April 27, 5:06 p.m. - From the Mandarin Training Center on the Shida annex campus off Heping E. Rd. with the curved main library building. |
Life and death don't matter, either, because it's the same thing happening, it's the same path. From one life, traveling and practicing through the death bardos, into another life, it's a continuum.
Death doesn't matter. How or when doesn't matter. However, splitting qualitative hairs is valid. I still think the Tibetan view of human life being uniquely endowed with liberty and opportunity for furthering one's practice is valid.
However, the full spectrum of taking advantage of our liberties and opportunities requires not turning the idea into a dogmatic, moralistic proscription against suicide. Suicide is also part of the pristine cognition, it is also part of the path. People commit suicide, therefore it is part of their path. The opportunity for anyone to commit suicide is always there, therefore it may always arise out of the pristine cognition.
What the hell? Why am I all of a sudden talking about suicide? Oh yea, blog url (old url: suicideblog.blogspot -ed.). But damn it's old, I think I've written everything I want to about it, and until I come with anything knew, I'm bored. Stop boring me.
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| 12:19 p.m. - Main gate of Shida University (NTNU), not the annex campus where Mandarin Training Center is. |
1. Countdown (John Coltrane)
2. Our Time ("Merrily We Roll Along" - Sondheim)
3. Mouths of Babes (Smashing Pumpkins)
4. Sango Jyugo Ya (Chitose Hajime)
5. It's Only Love (The Beatles - Anthology)
6. Check It Out Ch'all (Paris)
7. Assassination on X-Mas Eve (Archers of Loaf)
8. Peel Away Velleity (June of 44)
9. Warning Sign (live) (Talking Heads)
10. Last Exit (Pearl Jam)
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Insight into my personality:
Remember the movie "Amadeus"? Well, I never saw it. But anyway I remember a song by Falco that may or may not be associated with it called, "Rock Me Amadeus". I hated the song back then, and I hate it now. Really annoying song.
For some twisted reason (probably just because I can), I downloaded it and the extended version of the song, and I have both on my current playlist.
The extended version is so fucking annoying. It mentions that Falco is Austrian. I know an Austrian guy at the language center. Every time the extended version comes up, I get so annoyed I want to punch that Austrian guy in the nose.
Oh, today, rain clouds loomed for most of the late afternoon, but it only started raining after I headed out to get in a quick run before it started raining. I hate Taipei, and apparently the feeling is mutual.
Remember the movie "Amadeus"? Well, I never saw it. But anyway I remember a song by Falco that may or may not be associated with it called, "Rock Me Amadeus". I hated the song back then, and I hate it now. Really annoying song.
For some twisted reason (probably just because I can), I downloaded it and the extended version of the song, and I have both on my current playlist.
The extended version is so fucking annoying. It mentions that Falco is Austrian. I know an Austrian guy at the language center. Every time the extended version comes up, I get so annoyed I want to punch that Austrian guy in the nose.
Oh, today, rain clouds loomed for most of the late afternoon, but it only started raining after I headed out to get in a quick run before it started raining. I hate Taipei, and apparently the feeling is mutual.
 |
| 2:22 p.m. - Dunhua and Civic Blvd. Not to put too fine a point on it, they're called zebra crossings. |
 |
| 7:58 p.m. - Taipei in its natural environment (i.e., rain). |
Saturday, September 02, 2006
OK, it's official, I hate Taipei.
Weather was perfectly fine all morning, and has been for the past few days. Today I planned to get on the 235 bus, ride about an hour out to XinZhuang, and explore out there on foot and do some shooting.
XinZhuang is where I bought my latest bicycle. I didn't realize how far away it was, or I probably wouldn't have bothered, but I'm glad I did because the bike is really good, and it was really cheap. That time I took the 299 bus. It's two or three towns west of Taipei, across the Danshuei River, and I've been wanting to get around beyond the Taipei borders, even though it all looks the same, really.
After that excursion, I started noticing the 235 bus which goes down my street and has XinZhuang as its destination, so I've been wanting to hop on it and see where it goes in XinZhuang. I have a really good sense of direction, and I wanted to test it out, see how much I remember.
Also, for some reason, the 235 comes really often. It's been intriguing. What's so important about this line that there are so many buses running it?
Anyway, so I rode out an hour to Xinzhuang, taking the 235 all the way to the end. With a good idea where I was and which direction to go to be able to get back on the 235 home, I stopped into a 7-11 because I hadn't eaten anything. While I'm in there, it's starts raining. Then it starts pouring.
I decided that killed my shooting day, put away my camera, pulled out my umbrella (always carry an umbrella in Taipei), and trudged my way in the rain to find the 235 line again. Before the bus is even out of XinZhuang, the rain stops. Momentum gone, I was already on the bus, I just wasted my afternoon because of Taipei's stupid weather.
So that's the last straw, Taipei is not my city, I will not stay here. I might leave after this term to transfer to Kaohsiung, or if it looks like Hyun Ae will only stay in Taipei until next February, I'll stick it out until then so we can leave Taipei at the same time. After all, she said she doesn't want me to transfer to Kaohsiung, and I know if she left, I would be sad, so why not we plan on leaving at the same time.
Oh, in Kaohsiung she dropped the bombshell that she wanted to break up with her boyfriend. Doesn't mean anything. It was just a fact that garnered support.
Pentax ZX-5n, Kodak BW400CN. The only worthy shots I got off before abandoning the day:
iTunes soundtrack:
1. All My Love (Led Zeppelin)
2. Sorry I Am (live) (Ani DiFranco)
3. Pharoah Story ("Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat")
4. Back On Me (Urge Overkill)
5. Dose of Thunder (The Replacements)
6. Sunny Side to Every Situation ("42nd Street")
7. I'm Not Down (The Clash)
8. Sorry-Grateful ("Company" - Sondheim)
9. Battered Old Bird (Elvis Costello & the Attractions)
10. City of Dreams (Talking Heads)
Weather was perfectly fine all morning, and has been for the past few days. Today I planned to get on the 235 bus, ride about an hour out to XinZhuang, and explore out there on foot and do some shooting.
XinZhuang is where I bought my latest bicycle. I didn't realize how far away it was, or I probably wouldn't have bothered, but I'm glad I did because the bike is really good, and it was really cheap. That time I took the 299 bus. It's two or three towns west of Taipei, across the Danshuei River, and I've been wanting to get around beyond the Taipei borders, even though it all looks the same, really.
After that excursion, I started noticing the 235 bus which goes down my street and has XinZhuang as its destination, so I've been wanting to hop on it and see where it goes in XinZhuang. I have a really good sense of direction, and I wanted to test it out, see how much I remember.
Also, for some reason, the 235 comes really often. It's been intriguing. What's so important about this line that there are so many buses running it?
Anyway, so I rode out an hour to Xinzhuang, taking the 235 all the way to the end. With a good idea where I was and which direction to go to be able to get back on the 235 home, I stopped into a 7-11 because I hadn't eaten anything. While I'm in there, it's starts raining. Then it starts pouring.
I decided that killed my shooting day, put away my camera, pulled out my umbrella (always carry an umbrella in Taipei), and trudged my way in the rain to find the 235 line again. Before the bus is even out of XinZhuang, the rain stops. Momentum gone, I was already on the bus, I just wasted my afternoon because of Taipei's stupid weather.
So that's the last straw, Taipei is not my city, I will not stay here. I might leave after this term to transfer to Kaohsiung, or if it looks like Hyun Ae will only stay in Taipei until next February, I'll stick it out until then so we can leave Taipei at the same time. After all, she said she doesn't want me to transfer to Kaohsiung, and I know if she left, I would be sad, so why not we plan on leaving at the same time.
Oh, in Kaohsiung she dropped the bombshell that she wanted to break up with her boyfriend. Doesn't mean anything. It was just a fact that garnered support.
 |
| 12:32 p.m. - City landscapers at work in Da'an Park. |
 |
| Xinzhuang |
1. All My Love (Led Zeppelin)
2. Sorry I Am (live) (Ani DiFranco)
3. Pharoah Story ("Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat")
4. Back On Me (Urge Overkill)
5. Dose of Thunder (The Replacements)
6. Sunny Side to Every Situation ("42nd Street")
7. I'm Not Down (The Clash)
8. Sorry-Grateful ("Company" - Sondheim)
9. Battered Old Bird (Elvis Costello & the Attractions)
10. City of Dreams (Talking Heads)
Friday, September 01, 2006
New term started at the language school, and things are looking positive.
I like my new teacher. The bar is low because of my previous teacher, but I really think this teacher will do for me. My classmates seem OK, but it's impossible to tell from only one day. Anyone might turn out to be a complete freak like the Mongolian guy, or the two Spanish-speaking guys who I couldn't figure out what they were even doing in Taiwan. Why were those people wasting our time when we were trying to learn this language?
Hyun Ae met me after my class to go to lunch. Her class is at 2:10, so if she wants to meet me for lunch on a regular basis, it's perfect. The poetic justice is that she got my previous teacher! It's karma, I tell you, for reasons I haven't written about. I rubbed it in for a while, but in the end I definitely support her to switch out of that class. Not a good teacher, and if she stayed in the class, I would hear no end of complaint.
Hyun Ae and I are good on a one-one basis, but I know that as soon as someone else starts paying attention to her, I may as well not be there. I know she has no loyalty to me and doesn't consider me anything special as a friend.
I also have to realize my previous tack of just going with flow won't work. I ended up investing emotion in her anyway. I need to decide for myself what my boundaries are and not just accept her when she wants my attention, and turn it off when she directs her attention to someone else.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. Sista Sista (Sakura)
2. Geek U.S.A. (Smashing Pumpkins - live on German TV)
3. Ma Ma Ma Belle (Electric Light Orchestra)
4. Puttin' On the Ritz (They Might Be Giants)
5. El Condor Pasa (Simon & Garfunkel)
6. Top Rankin' (Bob Marley & the Wailers)
7. Passover (Joy Division)
8. Scissor Man (XTC)
9. Sing, Sing, Sing (With a Swing) (Benny Goodman)
10. Not For You (Pearl Jam)
I like my new teacher. The bar is low because of my previous teacher, but I really think this teacher will do for me. My classmates seem OK, but it's impossible to tell from only one day. Anyone might turn out to be a complete freak like the Mongolian guy, or the two Spanish-speaking guys who I couldn't figure out what they were even doing in Taiwan. Why were those people wasting our time when we were trying to learn this language?
Hyun Ae met me after my class to go to lunch. Her class is at 2:10, so if she wants to meet me for lunch on a regular basis, it's perfect. The poetic justice is that she got my previous teacher! It's karma, I tell you, for reasons I haven't written about. I rubbed it in for a while, but in the end I definitely support her to switch out of that class. Not a good teacher, and if she stayed in the class, I would hear no end of complaint.
Hyun Ae and I are good on a one-one basis, but I know that as soon as someone else starts paying attention to her, I may as well not be there. I know she has no loyalty to me and doesn't consider me anything special as a friend.
I also have to realize my previous tack of just going with flow won't work. I ended up investing emotion in her anyway. I need to decide for myself what my boundaries are and not just accept her when she wants my attention, and turn it off when she directs her attention to someone else.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. Sista Sista (Sakura)
2. Geek U.S.A. (Smashing Pumpkins - live on German TV)
3. Ma Ma Ma Belle (Electric Light Orchestra)
4. Puttin' On the Ritz (They Might Be Giants)
5. El Condor Pasa (Simon & Garfunkel)
6. Top Rankin' (Bob Marley & the Wailers)
7. Passover (Joy Division)
8. Scissor Man (XTC)
9. Sing, Sing, Sing (With a Swing) (Benny Goodman)
10. Not For You (Pearl Jam)
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