Putting my own "code" to my own scrutiny, I couldn't commit suicide now because there are people who are simply too close to me, and by my own estimation, they don't understand these aspects of me well enough for me to be able to do it in good conscience.

These people are too ordinary, their reactions would be of ordinary people. This is in contrast to family, who under few circumstances should prevent me from committing suicide. If anything, they're a reason I should.

This is in contrast to exceptional friends like Sadie, who knew these things about me, who wouldn't be too surprised (disappointed maybe, upset maybe, not surprised), who poked around enough that they lost their "immunity".

Mind you, these people I'm talking about, or rather this person, I am holding far away enough from me that my self-restraint has its bounds. And it's not a consideration that she hasn't been the best of friends; that sometimes she was a downright sucky friend with no loyalty to me.

It's just that she is close right now, and whatever ultimately weak relationship we have, it's just something I couldn't do. There will be a time soon when she will no longer be a part of my life, and then she will not be a reason to not do it.

Mind you, this is all theoretical. Nothing about this suggests I'm going to commit suicide. Not even try. Just try to keep pushing myself towards it.

3:36-4:27 p.m. - Riding on the Danshui riverside bikeway. Yangmingshan range in the distance.

Gongguan or Guting riverside park under construction (or contemplating construction).

Gongguan riverside access point.