Getting Here from There #1: Ten Years
It's been 10 years since I graduated from college. 9 years since I moved across the continent to get as far away from my parents as possible.

I consider myself at the end of my life in that I have nothing to strive for, no goals, there is nothing to progress with. I'm doing now what I might have been doing right after college if my parents hadn't intervened and pushed me to go to friggin', useless law school. Idiots.

I look like I'm still trying to find direction. I'm not. I don't want a house. I don't want a family. I'm just sort of stuck, having been given a terrific life, and not wanting to do anything with it.

I have no appreciable health problems, I have no cash flow problems, I have no uncontrollable addictions, I may or may not have unresolved mental health issues, I am not losing my hair, I am not emotionally stunted despite my last entry (that was more my attitude or perspective, not what I feel).

I'm just lazy and unmotivated. It's pathetic, really. What a waste. Do I feel guilty about it? Sorta. Do I feel guilty about it enough to do something about it? Um, not really. It's still my life. Take your friggin' judgments elsewhere.

All I want from life is to get a little bit more clarity on the nature of life and reality, and I'm not doing anything pursuant to that anymore. I did that when I was in school. When you're a working schlep, you don't have the time or energy. If you're lazy and unmotivated, you end up in a job you really don't care about and all it does is pay the bills and maintain a physical, biological entity.

If you're a functional member of society, at least you do something with the money, buy a house, invest in stocks, start a 401(k), be social goddammit, go out on weekends and do the mating dance (I have witnessed it and it disgusted me, the men and the women). At least have a companion or a crew, at least be in a relationship.

Can't be bothered.