There's probably a range from 1 to 10 gauging how serious I am about leaving at any given moment, for any given plan. In the early days, the range probably mostly fell between 6 and 8. I seriously thought I would do it. Later on as it became more apparent that I wouldn't leave despite my plans, the range lowered to a more realistic 3 to 5. Once or twice it did hit 10.

I'm holding steady at 9 now, expecting to get to 10, 100% commitment, closer to my target date. I'm hoping this time it's for real, that I've gotten serious enough about my life to really face reality and leave.

I've reached my target age and I've found no answers to this existence. This really has become a dead end, whereas before there was always some potential for discovering something, either through meeting the right person or finding the right thing to do that I can learn something. I'm mostly convinced that it's not going to happen, that I've learned all I want to learn in this lifetime, and now it is time to leave and start over in different circumstances.

I'm not afraid of different circumstances. I'm no longer afraid of not having what I have in this life. We are born and we get used to what we're given. Even given shittier circumstances, and I must admit the circumstances in this lifetime are pretty cushy, I expect my core being to adjust and accommodate, and handle them with the core values that is my being.

I quit my job. That was 100% commitment. The free time I have over the next five months is for wrapping things up. Getting the record of my existence together for whoever's benefit. Photos, songs, journals, clues to the anthropologists of who I was and what I was doing. Hopefully it'll be a good study for someone.