I came straight home from Portland. I've been wondering why, why abort the extended roadtrip, why not Seattle, why not Yellowstone, why not plunging south through Colorado, New Mexico, and through Tucson again? Why drive all the way up to Portland, only to drive right back down to San Francisco? 

I decided it's just that I'm tired of the solo journey thing. There's no point to it. I love the driving, I love the scenery flying by, but once you've done the solo journeying thing, continuing to do it is all kind of the same. You get to a destination, but then so what? 

I hate to admit it, but a lot of the journey is the company, and I'm through with company, I'm through with hooking up, only to cycle and recycle through people. The journey is supposed to be fun, the journey is fun, but when you reach any particular destination, any particular accomplishment or plateau, there's something about sharing the experience. Funny hearing this out of my loner, non-social mouth. 

I aborted the extended journey because I could. No one else was attached to it. No one else was part of the planning. No one else was expecting anything or was invested. 

While I was in Portland, I hooked up with Amy and Lisa who flew up on Friday and are flying back down tomorrow. Why didn't I ask if I could join them, be a part of their plan? Make the trip about helping Amy find an apartment. No, I just had to have my own separate plan. It seems silly. But that's what it is. And it's too late or I'm too tired to try anything new or different. That's why I decided to go home.