On the true spiritual path, you're in a world of your own. Not unlike certain mental illnesses. You stop knowing what's real. But with mental illness, you see things that aren't there. On the spiritual path, you're not seeing and trying to see things you know are there.
I never considered going to a monastery because my soul was hurting, but at one of the places I visited, someone suggested the main reason people go to monasteries is to figure out some problem they have in their lives. I always thought my reason for going was an affirmative one, because I want to, because I'm driven to, and when I've gone the energy I got was electrifying.
Problems notwithstanding. Problems are not a reason to go. That would just be running away or seeking temporary sanctuary. That's a good enough reason to go visit, but that's not what I thought I was doing. It's not an issue. I never even thought of how I keep my monastic aspiration separate from my so-called problems; there is just no connection.
But recently, sometimes that barrier breaks down and I wonder what the hell I'm doing, riding a wave of my problems to the monastery. I don't want to go to the monastery feeling wrecked.
Do you want to see crazy? See me talk about suicide. It's an art, and I'll make it look like you're the one that's deficient in the understanding.
