I think there is a common misconception about the concept of "no self" in Buddhism. Nihilism gets attributed to Buddhism because of that concept, because I think the common conception is that "no self" means the destruction, extinguishing, or non-recognition of our dearly conceived selves.
"No self" doesn't mean the snuffing out of identity. It's more of a spreading out, an extending of our understanding of self to encompass the universe beyond the outer edges of our skin. When trying to conceive "no self", you're not erasing you or any part of the mental or physical you.
When conceiving no-self, it's looking deeply at the computer monitor and wondering about the relationship between you and this piece of matter. Thirteen and a half years ago, it was me walking back to my dorm at Oberlin and being struck, wondering about the relationship between me and this particular tree in front of Spanish House.
Side story: An assignment for a religion seminar was to bring in an object that made us feel "closer to 'God'". I thought it was the stupidest, flakiest, new-agey assignment ever, and hardly appropriate to the skeptical inquiry process that an expensive liberal arts education was supposed to entail.
I refused to do it and considered skipping the next class because the last thing I wanted to do was sit in a circle listening to someone explain how deeply they feel about their pet rock. But I went to class, and I just brought in my rumination about the tree and explained that the college grounds department wouldn't approve of me digging up the tree to bring to a seminar, which would have required a sizable crew of landscapers and heavy machinery.
I don't think we were graded on that assignment, but I do remember the professor, who the Muslims on campus jokingly referred to as "the Sufi", staring at me with a surprised look on his face.
But that's more what no-self means. It's easing the primacy we place on our ego-selves, it's extending and expanding our idea of self to encompass more, especially other people in our lives and around us. It doesn't mean we suddenly become saints, although it often entails becoming more understanding and looking at things from other people's points of view.
It doesn't mean that we don't argue or get angry. It means that even while arguing or being angry, and in each moment of arguing or being angry, we are cognizant and not distracted that the other party is part of ourselves. Of course, if properly exercised that usually leads to the end of arguing or being angry, but theoretically, it is possible to do both. But that's non-attachment, another concept altogether.
The thought that inspired this whole blurb was that entering the monastery should be conceived as the same thing as committing suicide for me, but I don't know how to bring it back to that, so I'm just stating it outright.
If someone doesn't want me to commit suicide, they shouldn't want me to go to the monastery. If someone has no problem with me going to the monastery, they should have no problem with me committing suicide. If that someone doesn't get this, then I feel that my worth to them was missed. Not that I hold it against them if I'm missed.
