Don't get me wrong, I go through moments where I . . . well, I'll be honest they're worrying moments . . . that I wonder how can I go through with this; that I get pulled into feeling I want to see how things develop, how things change. That I look at the people around me and wonder how I can do this to them.

I wonder if things might change at work for the better when I'm told that certain things are going to be happening soon. I also wonder about what the Large Hadron Collider will find. Seriously.

But no, I've been through this before, and it's different this time. I go through the moments, but then I get out of the moment and I realize my truth – separate from the illusory world that presents itself around me.

Nothing's going to change, where I've landed myself is pretty much it. If I go on, I'll have good moments, I'll learn, I'll appreciate, I'll do all the things I've been doing that have value, but it's different this time.

I just don't want to anymore. And not in a defeatist, nihilistic way, but that some things just are. It just is. I keep telling myself this is not an emotional issue anymore, and it's partly something I have to remind myself, but whenever I tell myself that, it's true. This is not an emotional issue anymore. Negative or positive, they just fall away and I'm faced with my own truth. What I've been coming to terms with my entire life.

I may get together with people this coming week. I'm scheduled in to work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and I'll go. But I'm not under any illusion that anything's going to make anything any different.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 5:45 p.m. - Another bring-your-bunny-to-work day.

6:09 p.m. - Cute co-worker and his Fender P-Bass. He's in a punk band called Awesome Shit. 

11:16 p.m. - Baby bunny break during crunch hour.