It's November. Still no indication of any change at work and I emphasize there MUST be a change with my co-copy editor quitting. I'm sure not going to take up the slack on that end. Although a strange niggling prods me to just keep the job as long as possible, rather than as short as possible. Not sure what to make of that.

Sometimes I feel a backing off from suicide, like I write about it and think about it, but then I get back to living my life and there's this disconnect there. Why don't I just stop writing about it and thinking about it and then just get on with living my life?

And I have my answers, but instead of them being naturally there and being able to transition easily from question to answer, I have to take a leap from one lilypad to another. But I have my answers. But I have to leap to get to them.

This is not an emotional issue anymore. It's totally intellectual now, and it does make sense and it is logical to me. That tells me to work on shutting down the emotions.