Deer Park Monastery, Escondido, CA

October 26, 2003; 4:08 P.M. - Impromptu picnic after a first group of monastics evacuated the monastery because of the fire. We were all packed up and ready to go when the monks decided they didn't want to leave. That's the way it works at a monastery. We eventually did evacuate, but only for a day.

Well, I'm off to the monastery for a week. I highly doubt there will be any opportunity for monastic blogging, so just in case there is any interest *ahem*, here are the rest of the responses to the Craig’s List suicide note.

Response #25, heavily edited for syntax, grammar, formatting, and especially brevity:

Date: 2003-09-25, 3:23PM

Well sir, if nothing else you have provided this day on Rants & Raves with some interesting food for thought. It blows my mind the amount of people who shut-up about their whiney complaints and tried to extend help. It reaffirms my faith in the human race. Thank you for that! I am fascinated that suicide generates more responses than just about any other topic. Maybe down deep beneath all the bitching and moaning and groaning, we aren't that horrible as a people.

Have you noticed that Craig’s List actually makes you more depressed? After spending time in Rants and Raves, I find myself feeling more depressed due to the constant hate, bitterness, and fighting spewing out of everybody. After feeling completely drained by it all, it can leave you feeling like what is the point of even trying anymore. This board can actually be damaging to your emotional well-being. I am saddened and frustrated by the amount of ignorance and hate in the vast majority of people here. This site alone can lead someone “on the verge" to want to kill themselves!!

BUT (BIG BUT) . . . LOOK AT ALL THE GOOD you have generated here today!!!!!! You have accomplished something of great value. By all means stick around, we could use more of your input here! Send us a postcard from Tahiti or somewhere. Time to get out BUT NOT GIVE UP! Already, YOU HAVE HELPED MANY OF US HERE, just today. IMAGINE how much more you can do with your entire life ahead of you. Peace, Bro.

P.S., if you are a fake, thanks anyway. IT HAS been a good day on CL, AT LAST!

This response was considerably longer and really didn't say much more than this. It had more of a sarcastic edge, though. Overall it's positive and sympathetic, but affirms the negativity the suicide feels. I don't know. I just don't get a strong feeling out of this response, maybe I'm jaded after going through all these responses. Maybe it's just his style that isn't doing it for me. Maybe it's the irony and contradiction in how he's telling the suicide to not kill himself because of the positive effect he's had by posting on Craig's List that he was going to kill himself.

Response #26, lightly edited:

Date: 2003-09-25, 4:03PM

Wow. Before the suicide guy on CL RNR, I really never thought about all of the things that might make someone really try to do, well, you know, do that terrible thing that he is going to do.

Uh, are you serious? The suicide in cyberspace is the oldest happening around, because every single one of us has contemplated the world without us in it, and this kind of forum gives you the closest idea to it without actually doing anything. Please let the suicide guy rest in peace now for the next identity quick-change artist who decides to try on their fantastic cyber-role.

This is a jaded response that doesn't believe for a second that the suicide is real, which is fair. Why should we believe anything online is real? That's why I find this response fascinating, it's more a comment on cyberspace and virtual reality, including weblogs. The vast majority of people allowed themselves to take the suicide note as real, others were skeptical but also allowed for the possibility.

This person knows exactly what's really going on and knows it isn't a suicide note. And that's totally fair, no one can prove otherwise. But it could also be that she spends way too much time online and her primary form of human contact is in geek chatrooms and message boards. After all, as her first paragraph states, she has never put any thought into the issue. It makes sense that dealing with it or responding to it is not even in her reality.

Response #27, edited for syntax and grammar and brevity:

Date: 2003-09-25, 4:14PM

I agree with a couple of seemingly opposing "sides" to the argument.

1) For/to me, in principle, suicide is my choice - my body, my life. The idea that it's actually a crime to take one's life is absurd in so many ways.

2) For/to me, being physically disabled and in chronic physical pain (with the attendant psychological pain), and believing in the right to end one's life based on the pain being too much to bear, I can easily transfer this belief over to mental/emotional/spiritual pain.

We all suffer physical pain, yes? Some of us only moments here and there - and way at the other end, some of us all the time. If you believe in "assisted suicide" for physical illness, where do YOU draw the line? How do YOU decide, "This person isn't in ENOUGH pain to be allowed to go, but maybe that person is” or “This physical condition doesn't merit the choice, but that one does." It's a complex issue, but ultimately it comes down to the choice of the person in pain.

Some people experience the "usual/norm", the "human condition" kind of suffering in their minds/hearts/spirits. Some suffer on and off, here and there, to greater or lesser degrees. Some folks, for whatEVER reason(s), suffer a lot, chronically. And this seemingly never-ending, overwhelming, beyond any therapeutic measures physical pain, can seem/be unbearable. I believe that if I am at that threshold, I have the right to step on over.

3) I also concur that suicide is "the ultimate form of liberation". But I, too, in my lifelong struggle with depression, have often veered AWAY from taking my life BECAUSE I felt I had the right/freedom to move on if I wanted to! That belief reassured me that I wasn't trapped, imprisoned by anyone else's controls. That consoled me, relaxed, relieved me. And that's cool.

4) Life is precious. I don't actually want to lose it. Wanting to go (FOR ME) ISN'T because I do not appreciate the gift/blessing of life - it's because I can't bear some kind of pain - not because I don't want to be here, but actually because I can't bear being here with such ACUTE sensitivity to life AND such pain.

I don't have a primal taboo against suicide because I believe that THIS life/planet/timespacecontinuum isn't the ONLY one there is or ever will be! It's all energy changing from one form to another, on and on. I can relax, there will be many other "lives" to live, "I" (my soul/spirit/energy) won't ultimately cease to exist.

But yes, I'd rather stay - AND I'd rather be relatively free of excruciating pain while here! It's a hard balance.

5) I also think of the pain that would be generated by my departure - yes, that too keeps me here at times when I'd rather not be. However, I don't believe the choice of suicide is in and of itself a totally "selfish" thing (selfish in that there is no concern for others) - because I DO believe that we are all connected. No matter how seemingly few people are in my life, how seemingly little effect my presence may have, I realize my absence would create ripples.

And I shudder at the thought of leaving loved ones with the grief, anger, despair, misunderstanding etc. that my departure might cause. I would never want to move on with that legacy left behind me ... ending my pain leading to the perpetuation of others'.

For me, some things in life are simple, but not easy. This topic is neither. And this brings me to an enormous respect for the desire to take one's life. People confronted with suicide, on whatever "sides", deserve a lot more than absolutes, goading, fury, self-righteousness, dismissiveness, condemnation, rejection, other's own ego'ed motivations, from us.

Truth to tell, I didn’t read this whole response through until I had to comment on it because it was just too verbose and convoluted to get through. I think this person is extremely complicated and intelligent, and is therefore very specific about the language he uses, but hasn’t learned to self-edit and be concise, and in the end that just mucks it up. I know because I suffer from that a lot, and I strive to always simplify. So in editing this response, it was my aim to make it readable since I agree with his points. FOR/TO ME, this response is worth reading carefully to take it in.

And the final one I deemed worthy to copy, response #28:

Date: 2003-09-25, 7:04PM

If you've decided to kill yourself, I doubt that a bunch of strangers could change your mind. But I'd like to argue against your statement that you have not made a difference in the world.

Although it is easy to get frustrated with yourself for not being able make any big changes in the world, it is unreasonable to expect to be able to make such changes. It is a VERY rare person that can facilitate such drastic change.

Simply being a good person, setting an example for others, and being around to dilute the evil in the world is enough to make your life worthwhile. The difference it makes is subtle, but definite.

So if you're gonna kill yourself out of exasperation, fine. But if you're gonna kill yourself out of guilt, then keep in mind that you'd be doing society a disservice by lowering the good/evil ratio.

Terrific insight at the beginning of this response that a bunch of strangers couldn't change his mind once his decision was made. It's true, but I'm also glad that so many people responded like they might change his mind.

But I'm not sure where this response got the idea that the suicide wanted to effect big changes in the world. He mentioned big things that he thought was wrong with the world, but didn't source his reasons in not being able to effect change in the big picture. What he said he couldn't change was his own life, and really he is the only person who can gauge that.

To the extent that he addressed the big picture, he was talking to us. He wasn't inviting a response to him. He made his decision, but we still have our decision to make this world a better place by what we do, by what we're considerate of, and what we complain about or act to change. But by "giving up" himself, he's not likely to convince anybody.

I like the point in this response about the value of just being a "good" person in this world. I appreciate that. But ultimately I don’t think that would stop a suicide. We are all selfish, and this response is arguing that selflessness is a reason to live. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that were so?

I appreciate the little differences I make in daily life, smiling to strangers, being respectful and courteous. It really might make a difference in a small way to people, especially in our modern society so full of cynicism, cruelty, and indifference. But again, it’s hardly enough to counter a decision to leave.

I wish I had someone to talk to. But I could only talk to someone I loved. And if I loved someone, I wouldn't need to talk. How typical.

I've been challenging myself lately on the suicide thing. Maybe it's a climate thing and this base desire to live will stop in a few weeks. In any case, I've succeeded in thoroughly . . . not confusing myself . . . just equivocating at a time when there is no motivation to equivocate.

I tell myself to keep steady, and the most important thing is to be confident and not be confused about my belief. I've always been open to what I believe in, and self-doubt is not a positive part of that process. If I decide against suicide, it has to be positive and affirming, not a result of self-doubt or fear.

When you lay a foundation for a house, you have to build a house. You can't change while it's going up and decide that you want to build a skyscraper or a ship. If you lay the keel, you're going to build a ship. You can't decide later that you want to build a statue without tearing everything down and starting from scratch.

Suicide isn't something that occurs to me in bad times as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's the foundation of the way I live my life. And I've been twisting and turning every possibility that could be built on that foundation without having to tear it all down and start from scratch.

That's why it's so hard when I get to the brink and find myself feeling like living indefinitely, without some sort of end date. It would be like trying to build an airplane out of the foundation of a house. A) It won't fly; B) airplanes don't need a basement.

So this is the point where my imaginary interventionists jump in like Craig's List Suicide Note Respondents and start spewing bunk about being strong and being able to turn my life around, change, and live, it's possible if I try. And this is when I give my blanket response to all those respondents: You just don't get it.

They're empty words in the end because they don't get it. Because they dismiss years and years, months and months, days and days, hours and hours of a psyche fragile built on a foundation that assumes its own dissolution, all with a quick stroke of uninformed idealism. Yet I'm still here. Granted, with no friends, no family, no job, no career, no talent, no prospects, but I'm here.

Done:
It's been 8 months since I quit my job and proceeded to float through 6 months of perceived nothingness.

That's OK, I'm OK with nothingness, it's nothing to beat myself up over. It's been 2 months since I hit that wall and realized I wasn't ready yet, but refused to go back to any status quo that is the normativity of our mundane living lives. I cut way back on drinking, I stopped cutting altogether, I packed away my guitars and basses, and I've been reading fairly diligently and sitting at least twice a day with occassional break days since then.

I don't know what's next, but I need to get moving, stop procrastinating, commit. Yea, this is flawed, but I needed a drink this afternoon for the first time in who knows when in order to commit to a week in a monastery, starting this Friday.

I don't think this stint in a monastery is going to accomplish anything. I just want the imprint of the experience on my psyche. If I really thought monastic life is for me in this lifetime, I would have signed up for the required two weeks as preliminary. If things go incredibly well, I'll ask if I can spend another week there beyond what I signed up for.

If I go for just one week, I'll come back on October 31st and leave for New Jersey to return the car between November 5th and November 8th, after elections. I'll take my time across the country and expect to get to New Jersey mid-month-ish. Then maybe I'll fly back here before Thanksgiving.

Once I'm back here, then final decisions will need to be made. But there are too many things between now and then to project on them now. Hopefully I'll just be closer to the goal.

twilight:
Autumn nights, autumn nights, even in the Bay Area they're so beautiful they make you want to die cry. I have to get out of the Bay Area. It isn't the general cold here that is killing me, as I'm craving that feeling of November and December, the melancholy, deep, quiet cold air, when nature has died and strange memories of your entire life come to haunt and are more vivid and alive than any other time of year.

Oh, the things I remember. It reminds me that I'm here and now. I'm here. And I'm now. The whole city is far away from me now. I don't know a soul here. I know that if I met a soul here, I wouldn't like them. I need community to live. I've rejected every community I've had. That is to say I've rejected what I need to live. At least food and water keeps me metabolizing.

The windows aren't double-paned, apartments aren't really insulated, I don't need my long coat, I may or may not need my thick sweatshirt. There won't be any anticipation of snow, there will be no snow to smother and mute the cityscape, no snow crunching beneath my feet, no snowtracks to let you know someone's been there. We'll get rain. Miserable rain. Weeks and weeks of rain. No snow.

One more week until Daylight Savings Time ends and my system goes into shock, shut down, gets buried for the winter, and my spine turns into a knife's edge. Another year of "I can't, I can't, I can't", and yet somehow April comes around and . . . I did. Maybe it'll be different this time.

Craig’s list suicide note, response #24, lightly edited:

Date: 2003-09-25, 3:12PM

I honestly don't think that this is real. I think it is just something to get all of you logged on tomorrow, waiting to see how it was done, waiting to see IF it was done. But that is just me. And if it is real, hey, that is his thing, more power to him. He is one of the weak (well-spoken weak, at least), and we all know that the world needs less of that. I personally believe that a person that would sit here and advertise the fact that he is going to kill himself, and let people have little flashbacks of their personal experiences with loved ones, is a fucking nut job and should rid the world of his/her presence. Good luck to you, man. Sleep well 6 feet under, or may your ashes float in the wind for a long time. Take it sleazy.

This response is so dispassionate and cynical that it’s a wonder why he even bothered to post a response. Posting on Craig’s List is pretty easy, but it isn’t exactly instant messaging, you have to jump through some hoops.

He states that he doesn’t think it’s a real suicide, and at first he doesn't seem to have a very strong opinion either way, but then he not only proceeds to respond as if it were real, but all he has to offer is misanthropy and disdain. It’s ironic because this is the kind of person that makes a suicide feel good about leaving. You might even hope that it would be this kind of person who rids the world of his/her presence. But that wouldn’t be right, would it?

And now a little Poetry Corner from response #23 to the Craig’s List suicide note:

Date: 2003-09-25, 3:05PM

To You:

People are always judging,
when they don't understand.
I live in a society,
where one has to grow-up,
and be a man.
I sit in this room,
not knowing what to do.
I am so confused,
and no one has a clue.
No one is here to hold me,
and tell me it will be alright.
Maybe I should just kill myself,
and pray to God to hold me tight.
But then I thought twice,
about taking my life.
After knowing someone cares,
it doesn't feel right.
How can I just throw my life away,
in just one night?
There is so much more to life,
then to not put up a fight.
I need to learn to love myself,
then everything will be alright.
As long as I see,
what life has to offer me.
There is nothing else to do,
but to live life and be free!

I’m no poet. I know it. So no comment. Except maybe *bleah*. Simplistic drivel. It's like when you're miserable or in a crappy mood, or caught stuck in the rain, and someone is going off reciting Christian or Hallmark inspirational sayings. And you just want to hit them. Or puke. Or puke on them. And then hit them.

Suicide note response #22, edited for syntax:

Date: 2003-09-25, 2:56PM

Seriously, what was your point of posting here on Craigslist? You claim that it is not a cry for help . . . sure! I was feeling a bit sad and sympathizing, but with your kind of attitude, I think the world is better off without you. Good luck! Just know that you're bound for the fires of hell. While the rest of us will continue with our sweet life and look forward to the gates of heaven awaiting us.

ADIOS!

I’m guessing this is a response to the suicide’s follow-up posting (below) because of the "but with your kind of attitude" line. It sounds like the original note made him feel one way, but then he changed after reading the follow-up. I can’t identify the "kind of attitude" in the follow-up that is so offensive. Maybe that he was unmoved by all the responses? What did he expect?

The moralistic, religious swing in mentioning the "fires of hell" and the "gates of heaven" says more about the hypocrisy, smug self-righteousness, and intolerance that religion often provokes than anything else. As if suicide is the cosmic "Go to Jail" card, as if this writer is the paragon of compassion and virtue, as if he personally knows what’s awaiting any of us.

A real compassionate "heaven" it must be that is awaiting this guy, after telling the suicide the world is better off without him and sarcastically wishing him luck. A real thrill to be knocking back pints of St. Peter’s amber with him. But if G*d gave him such a "sweet life", it makes sense that the gates of heaven await him, too. Although if the suicide has any loved ones, I’m sure they would think differently about this guy’s fate.

Or is it irony? Is he just being ironic?

And now, a word from our sponsor original suicide note poster, basically unedited:

Date: 2003-09-25, 2:25PM

By the time many of you read this, I will either be on my way or gone. As I stated before, my post is not a cry for help or a plea for attention. I just wanted to voice some feelings before I left.

I thank all of you for your responses. I have read all of them with careful thought. To those of you who care and offered assistance, I thank you especially, but do know I have sought all of the help I have been able to stand. To those of you who write back in anger, I feel for your losses, but do know those feelings you express are yours. You have experienced a loss. Those who left you did not. Please do not be angry with us who are done here. We are merely offering a good-bye. Finally, to those of you who have offered comedy, you have indeed brought a smile to my face. Not enough to make me wish to stay, but a smile nonetheless. As far as donating my personal belongings, I have already taken care of most of that and have only the bare minimums to take with me.

To those of you who offered tears, I sincerely apologize. It was not my intention to make you sad. Please do not be. This is a positive choice for me, and I am not sad about it. I am sorry for your empathy. And I am sorry I cannot feel the same as you.

To those of you who have responded with inanities: please understand you are part of the problem. You offer such excellent proof of part of that problem against which I rail. You lives are vapid and empty with the exception of your own self-absorption. Please do not be part of the problem. Instead of just complaining, either fix the problems in your life, or politely excuse your selves.

As for my parking, space, that indeed will be up for grabs. And that shall be explained later.

Thank you all again for your responses. I shall continue reading your responses until late this afternoon when I depart.

Some of you have expressed the morbid curiosity so endemic to our human condition. I do not blame you; I would be curious as well. I have enlisted the aid of a close friend who will be posting the details of my departure tomorrow after I am gone. If I post such details now, some of you will doubtlessly attempt to notify officials at a needless expense to our society.

This friend is NOT assisting me with the act of suicide. Only with some of the details after I am gone.

Again, thank you for all of your comments and feelings. I do appreciate all of it, but I am just done. I have thought about this for several years now and have explored many different options. Needless to say, none of the options have blossomed in to anything I wish to pursue.

Thank you, and good-bye.

There’s nothing I can identify about this to suggest that it’s a fake, i.e., not by the original poster. Aside from the new mention of a "friend", it’s very consistent with the tone and content of the original suicide note. I think suicides tend to take meticulous care of relative trivialities, and this posting seriously addresses all the types of responses that were posted. He reiterates points from the original note, and they're consistent.

There was a post later on that was purportedly by the original poster, saying it was all a hoax to get a rise out of people, and I regret not copying it for further examination, but my impression was that it was clearly a forgery.

There were no follow-ups the next day by the "friend". It’s possible that the suicide overestimated the friend’s willingness or ability to be so "objective" and go along with it. It is also possible that the suicide backed down at the last moment and found some other course to follow.

a bit of realistic:
Mind you, I'm fully aware of the conceit this weblog takes in even suggesting that anyone cares whether I commit suicide or can justify it. The truth is that I systematically phase people out of my life in order to remain abstract, nominally significant, and ultimately inconsequential.

Suicide note response #21, heavily edited for brevity and the gist of it:

Date: 2003-09-25, 1:53PM

I am witnessing right now a life that is tragically and painfully being drained away by liver cancer. Day by day, my grandfather’s soul leaves us. He used to be so vibrant, always laughing and telling jokes, a sparkle and love for life in his eyes. That was before he started drinking and became anti-social and resentful of the family for “leaving” him. He basically drank himself to death. Despite all the hurt, pain, and anger that his drinking caused, my family is 100% here for him through his last days. All of the pain has gone away and turned in to love, sympathy and sorrow for what happened and what could have been.

How does this apply to you, my friend? My grandpa could have changed his life, but he took the easy way out - alcohol. When I look into his sunken eyes, I see so much pain and regret. I’m so sad that he is dying with all his pain and mistakes left unresolved. I wish I could have helped him while he was still able to make a change, but he had to do it for himself, but he had no desire to even try. Now that there’s no turning back, I see him living every last second in complete fear. I don’t know what happens when we come to the end of our rope, but I see my grandfather clinging on to life with every last breath he has. He’s scared as hell and we can see it in his eyes. Please listen to my words.... merely “enough” is never enough. You CAN make a change in your life, whether it’s talking to a counselor, taking anti-depressants, consider what is making you stressed/sad/unhappy. You can turn your life around, remember, it is what you make of it.

This is terrible about her grandfather, but the moral of this story of consequences and regret is not directly applicable to suicides. The grandfather made his decisions to act (and not act), consequences were manifested, and he lived to regret it. For successful suicides, consequences and regret are precluded, although the consequences and regret of failure probably should be considered.

As for the applicable part of this response, for the downtrodden, for the messed up life, I also believe in the human spirit and the ability to change and turn a life around if the will to do so is there. For the person considering suicide, consequences and potential regret should be considered, as well as whether the issue is a matter of having a screwed up life and whether there is the ability to change things and turn things around.

Again, this response implies that suicide is an "easy way out", which it isn't. It's more of a desperate way out, but how someone acts in desperation is hardly the easy way, unless by "easy", you mean easy to choose.

For me, living is extremely easy, existing is a combination of easy and hard, and I don't expect anyone to understand that, but there's nothing easy for me about dying or choosing to die. I am well aware that even after death, the trials I believe I will face might be harder than this life can ever be (but like any test, there's always the chance that it will be a breeze, depending on ability and preparedness). I also know that in my next life, should that be the case, I might end up in far more difficult circumstances to pursue my journey. So what's my rush? More on that later perhaps.

Anyway, the message in this response is good for suicides in general, but I don't like that she missed the part in this particular suicide's note which mentioned that he had already tried turning things around. So it's like she's moralizing and giving advice without even listening to him. Hm, she should join the mental health profession.

I intentionally left in the part of this response where she mentions the family is 100% behind him, even though he dug his own grave and caused so much distress. People who call suicides "selfish" might also call this grandfather selfish (or they might not, because that would bring to light that everything we choose to do is selfish, and for condemnation purposes, they just want to confine selfishness to suicides). Anyway, I wish those people would try imagining treating suicides this humanely, instead of taking the easy way out and calling them selfish, as if it resolves their participation in the issue.

I talked to my parents last night, and I mentioned I'm quitting my job. It has been an unwritten rule of our "cease-fire" that they are not allowed to exert pressure, coerce, or manipulate any aspect of my life, so it was with unease that I heard them saying that I shouldn't quit my job until I had another one lined up. It was thin ice they were on when they said they didn't want to see me looking for a job again for a year like before.

In the end, I recalled the other half of that cease-fire rule, that I am not to allow them to exert pressure, coerce, or manipulate any aspect of my life. And this should all be amusing as I have been unemployed for eight months already. So when I visit them next month to return their car, I can either tell them I quit, or continue keeping them in the dark. It doesn't materially matter, they're not active participants in my life and I don't care either way. But if there's an issue of who's in control, then I should tell them just to remind them.

This is really a very minor consideration on my mind.

There are still several more of those responses. I intended to stop posting them and my commentary once I felt I had exhausted the issues presented for myself, but hey, I like to process that shit. The issue is both very simple and very complicated. And I'm sure I'm not going to convince anyone of anything. I'm sure my commentary isn't even consistent.

I'm almost done with the Threefold Lotus Sutra for the second time. Never has there been a book that had me so captivated that I wouldn't recommend. I think I've heard it referred to it as the Buddhist analogy of the Qu'ran, the Bible, or the Torah. It's the final sermon before this Buddha's final extinction, but it's not that straightforward; I would go so far to say that it's not even in this dimension. Even though it's a book written for humans, it is a sermon at the highest level of Buddhism, the understanding of which humans can barely scratch. Trickle down theory maybe.

It's personal. What I get out of it may not be what anyone else gets out of it. And it's a bit confounding of a read. It's a bit confounding to read. My reading of it is informed by modern scientific cosmology and astrophysics. To understand the sheer size and esotericism involved, I'm thinking of galaxies, stars, and light years and a fourth spatial dimension, just as a tool, just to help bend my mind in a way more familiar. It's a brilliant work that any Buddhist or person with Buddhist leanings should at least run their eyes over.

Suicide note response #20, I missed copying the time stamp, heavily edited for spelling and syntax:

Hey, how's it going? I posted earlier basically telling you not to do it. Well, I've read other people's posts and the majority is telling you NOT to kill yourself. So PLEASE for the love of God - do not kill yourself. There is so much in store for you if you just open your eyes and make this day the beginning of something new. I'm telling you - APPRECIATE what you have and you will have a newfound positive outlook on life. Man, look at all these people on Craigslist, I thought all they do is whine and bitch but look what you've brought out of us. I, for one, love to complain here about stupid shit, but when I read your post, I was dumbfounded. I never thought I was capable of saying kind words to a stranger, but man I care. Yes I care for you! Be strong. Oh, to the people telling this man to go and kill himself already, if you're in such a hurry, why don't you kill yourselves - fucking assholes. DIE! Craigslist will be so much better without you selfish twisted fucks. Sorry to end this with a rant. But hey, I still care - think hard, don't do it.

Peace & love to you, my friend.


I can’t identify which earlier posting was this person’s, but it does sound an awful lot like that annoying cheerleader. Both posts mention "new beginning". By this time, the clichés are just making my eyes glaze over; not even worth picking apart. They're hurting my head.

Suicide note response #19 is another response to the other respondents, lightly edited for syntax and spelling:

Date: 2003-09-25, 1:42PM

Attention ALL Decent Human Beings, Assbags, and Those Who Don't Give a Shit:

Have you read all these response postings? What you will find is a complete and fascinating representation of society:

The "decent human beings" that are trying to help this poor soul, or fake, are the ones who keep this insane culture intact and functional. Bravo to your collective conscious. May you live forever.

Those "who don't give a shit" look at this guy as another statistic. They read it in the paper every day. It doesn't affect them. These are the guys asking (perhaps tongue in cheek) for his parking space, $$, furniture, etc. You idiots are asking for this stuff because your character is so flawed that you don't have the tools to earn it yourself. May your mother die tomorrow.

The "Assbags" encouraging the guy to JUMP or Do It, comprise the sewer system of our society and the foundation of all that we would like to eliminate for the good of a better world. May you die tomorrow.


Can’t really comment on that response! Tawk amungst yuhselves.

Suicide note response #18, heavily edited for spelling, grammar, and syntax:

Date: 2003-09-25, 12:36PM

Notice how everyone who had someone close to them die, are such ANGRY mother fuckers. Please don’t take your anger out on this confused person - it is not going to bring back your loved ones. Imagine if your father had written a post like that, then some asshole told him how much of an asshole he was, and to fuck off!! Imagine that, he would have probably done it sooner. INSTEAD, GIVE REASONS TO LIVE, you mean, heartless assholes.

I, myself, will be of minimal help in this department, because I am not too happy myself. But just get in a car and drive, the beauty of this state makes me feel better every time I see it. You have to remember, if you kill yourself, you are not hurting yourself, you are hurting everyone who loves you.

And that last guy who posted, with the .44, that was a great guy. Such a good outlook, he's a fighter. That is someone who I can take strength from. I am a guy and I don’t say this about other men very much. but he is really a great person, and a really cool dude.

Hm, I guess this is more a response to the other responses than a response to the suicide note. But I think a suicide can indirectly get something from this note. Not the banal cliché portions of going for a drive and hurting everyone who loves him, and not the patronizing prejudice against suicides implied in calling him "this confused person," but just what he’s expressing to the other response writers. That’s pretty positive.

Response #17 has absolutely nothing to do with the original suicide note. Like the "Buddha Boy" response, this idiot was inspired by the suicide note just to condescend and blow hard about his sophomoric knowledge. I’m only posting it to show the range of idiocy there is regarding responses to suicide. I tried to trim it down, but every sentence is a gem, a real eye-roller:

Date: 2003-09-25, 12:35PM

Ah, the Human Condition. To live by the flesh and be tortured by the universal soul. To realize that our individual life is just a speck in the dark, but to recognize that we make up a whole. Remember that, you are part of a whole. Whether you would want to admit it or not, you are. I won't tell you to turn to God, I won't tell you to think of all those you will leave behind, I won't tell you to persevere through your problems. I will tell you that everyone suffers, that is the Human Condition. To be a virtuous person, you must struggle, you must force yourself to find the medium between two extremes. To take one extreme over the other is not virtuous. Throughout the ages men have dealt with the same problems over and over, why do you think people still recite Shakespeare to children, why is our education system still based on the principles of The Liberal Arts? People struggle everyday, the degree to which everyone struggles is subjective. I am not in the business of telling people what to do, of telling people what they should care for, or telling someone what should be their goals. Rather, I will tell people to Think. Think before you speak, Think when you read, Think when you act, Think when you feel. Use your mind. Do not subscribe yourself to prize other's thoughts, but your own. But continually change your thoughts as you receive new information. Think about where you are, where you are going, what you are doing. If Socrates is correct, by taking your own life you are interrupting the Universal Soul. If Socrates is correct, all that you wish to know is already present within yourself, it is just a matter of time before you uncover and remind your soul of the knowledge which it already posses. If you read one book today, read Plato's "Republic". And if you do decide to live tomorrow, read St. Thomas Aquinas' "Confessions". If you don't have them, I'll even lend them to you, but don't make a choice until you have thought it through entirely. The entirety of the situation does not just subscribe to your job, your home, you family or lack of, your spouse or lack thereof, your money or lack thereof. Think.