dear life, how normal you've been. how comfortable it has been in your normalcy. yet how appropriate. By the way, life, it's August, do you know what month it is? Yes, you do, you cheeky monkey. Smile!

And breathe. Deep.

Amy's here for one more week before moving to Portland for law school. How could things have been? Could things have been? I want to say no, but I never know about these things. Is there any inkling in her that wants me to move to Portland instead of Tucson?

I'm assuming I don't need to speculate about that, so I won't. Yes, we've gotten close lately, but we've also kept our distance. So all I know is that I don't know, and if all she knows is that she doesn't know, then minimal harm after the fact. Maintaining status quo.

On the day Amy leaves, Delphine and I are driving down to southern California. She has a wedding to attend. For me, it's a roadtrip for the sake of a roadtrip. Funny, the dynamic is exactly the same as with Amy (the dynamic is the same, the interactions and "timbres" are completely different).

It's funny how it is with friends of the opposite gender. You can assume there is no attraction either way, but until there is a clear indication from either party that there really is no attraction (an indication that I've never given in order to maintain my ambiguity and mystery *raises eyebrow*), there's that tension of not being perfectly clear. Once it is perfectly clear, you stop going out of your way to hang out with them.

Why am I going to be hanging out with Amy as much as possible all next week to help her pack? Why am I driving down to southern California and sharing a hotel room with Delphine just so she can go to her friend's wedding?

That these things are even being considered doesn't mean anything. I just consider it part of the joke that there is even anyone I'm wondering about at this point. Please, life, give me the strength to not be an idiot anymore. Maintaining status quo.