Sometimes I wish someone could just stick a needle in my arm and make it all go away. But that would be the easy way out. Anyone who says that suicide is the "easy way out" is a fucking idiot.

And once someone succeeds in killing themself, they get showered with pity about "how much pain they must have gone through". The hypocrisy is a mote compared to the idiocy of people who think they know anything about what was going on.

I'm not speaking for myself, mind you. It would be nice and easy if someone locked me away and stuck needles in my arm, but that doesn't solve the underlying problem, which is that I'm living in a "reality" where reality isn't real. It's all just manifestation, I know that, yet I'm stuck not understanding it, not applying it. I'm still stuck, tempted, seduced in the material.

It looks so nice right about now to just live a normal life. I've gotten this far, just double it and I've lived a full life. Yet the idea of doing that is offensive. Life is much too precious for that. There's no such thing as killing oneself when there is no self.


August 27, 2003; 12:46 - Star Trek geek.