OK, I admit it, I have hate and anger issues. They don't get expressed in a direct confrontational manner, so I don't think anyone would say that I have a temper, like my father did and at least one of my brothers does. But what I mentioned before about people annoying me and getting on my nerves, and responding to negativity with negativity. All those related behaviors are rooted in hate and anger, I shouldn't wonder.

I grew up hating and being angry at my parents. Eventually I stopped hating and being angry at them when I realized they had no more control over me, but I was still left with the feelings or issues of hate and anger. Nowhere to channel it. Nothing to hate and be angry at. Just internalize it.

I hate to admit this since I just saw "Donnie Darko", but fear is also in that equation (remember? the "fear-love" spectrum?). The hate and anger breeds fear. What am I afraid of? Probably a lot of things. And to cope with the fear, I'm publicly sarcastic, cynical, smug, and indifferent.

These things need to be focused on and grappled with. I want to get back to a more innocent and vulnerable mind. Absorb the negativity, look at it directly in the face when it's thrown at me, and don't respond or react. Process it and let it go.