I'm in denial. Waves surge on rocky shores, and I'm there again. Nagasaki? I'm still telling myself I'm going to Nagasaki? Not that I'm moving forward on any plans, not that I feel the need to. I probably will soon. Denial.

I don't know what my karma is or what it might lead to, but it feels like walking alone through endless desert, following mirage after mirage to oasis after oasis. Never taking root, never finding home.

I got rejected from the monastery. No, I didn't get rejected from the monastery. Right before I left, a monk, albeit a novice monk, stated, speaking on behalf of the community, that I should go out and do what I need to do, but stay out for the shortest time possible, and come back and complete my Jedi training.

But again, for me that came too late. The wheels of my karma had turned, and I am back in the desert. Happily, mind you. And there is nothing left to do but drown.

Brother's wedding this Saturday. Other brother's son is walking now. Madoka sent me links to look into for Nagasaki. Nobuko is travelling through Mexico. The Jersey Shore is right there, and August 17 may be two years late, but it's still August 17.