Before I left New Jersey, I was searching for guidance and I opened up the 20th Anniversary book of the Plum Village monastery system (the root monastery of Deer Park) and read a story about a monk who came to an impasse in his practice and wanted to go to a retreat in Germany with his brother. The retreat was with a teacher he had studied with before he ordained at Plum Village, and for whom he still had a lot of respect. The monk asked for permission to leave, and was refused. The story continued on about how this monk was grateful for the teacher's insight in not allowing him to leave, and that the teacher knew what was best for him.

I read this on two levels.

I do believe in insight. I do believe in a teacher's insight. I'm fully willing to take this story at face value, and that there was harmony between the teacher and the monk, and that the teacher saw something in the monk and knew it was not right for him to leave. Under different circumstances, if the teacher saw it was right for him to leave, he would have accepted his leaving.

As an internal matter, I don't doubt it. But once it's published in a book, it becomes an external matter. You're telling this story why? You're trying to convince me of something?

No. Your experience is not my experience. And when this internal story is told to me, an outsider, it reeks of brainwashing, not compassionate guidance. If I come to an impasse in my practice and say I want to leave, I want to leave. I don't want someone telling me, "No, you don't want to leave. These are not the 'droids you're looking for. The boy can go on his business."

I like to think that the teacher would have the insight into my personality enough to know if I say "I want to leave", that means I want to leave, whether it is the right thing for me spiritually or not. But I don't know.

So instead of finding comforting guidance, I was given something that really bothered me. I almost entered this system. And I'm not ruling out that I won't in the future. It's still the place where I had more connection than anywhere else. But at this point in time, my interpretation of this story was telling me to continue on the outside.

11:28-11:50 a.m. - Floral exhibition in Da'an Park across the street from me.

12:01 p.m. - Da'an Park north. Lots of construction going on everywhere.

Nikon N70, Ilford XP2 Super, all CD-R, same Da'an Park photostroll:

iTunes soundtrack:
1. Misunderstanding (Genesis)
2. Life Begins at the Hop (XTC)
3. Three Hopeful Thoughts (Rilo Kiley)
4. Function at the Junction (Shorty Long)
5. Vanishing Twin (Kristin Hersh)
6. Mr. Crowley (Ozzy Osbourne)
7. Radio Head (Talking Heads)
8. Santa Claus (Throwing Muses)
9. Lullaby of Broadway ("42nd Street")
10. Dangerous (Frente!)