The first thing I have to do is stop saying that Taipei sucks and that the Chinese are stupid. The fact is that my life sucks and I'm stupid. Taipei is a really interesting place, and Chinese culture, Taiwanese style, has its merits and shortcomings just like any other. It's only because I'm unhappy that I feel this way.

I left my job because I was unhappy with the job. But no, the reason why I was miserable at the job was because I was unhappy with myself. I think about the job, I think about my attitude, and I'm pretty sure I was more unhappy with myself than I was with the job.

Then I left San Francisco. Yes, I was unhappy with San Francisco. There were a lot of good things, but I didn't like the weather, the cold, the fog, and it never got hot, and I couldn't get anything going in San Francisco. Oh, I guess I was unhappy with myself. I was just in a holding pattern, going around in circles.

Which in of itself isn't a bad thing. The reason why I like the idea of reincarnation is that all around me in nature I see cycles. So it makes sense to me that as natural beings, our lives exist in cycles.

Money, however, is linear. It comes in from one source, and goes out through another way. Like food comes in one end, and goes out another way. I hope the metaphor here isn't being missed, but that was a prime mover, too, in my leaving San Francisco. Money wasn't renewing itself in cycles. Capitalist economics are not natural.

Then I left the monastery, the happiest, most peaceful place I've ever found. I was unhappy with the monastery? I'm not sure I can say that. I pointed to things that was unhappy with as an excuse to leave and not go back, but if I'm not happy with myself, I'm not going to be happy wherever I go.

Then I left New Jersey, which needs no unhappiness discussion, and default ended up in Taiwan. Just because that's where my parents are from. And I have extended family here, who have all been fabulously useless to me in just about every respect.

Now I'm thinking of going to Tucson? Guess what's going to happen in Tucson.

If I can't get away from unhappiness because of the causes and conditions created by karma and this current life, and I'm not sure I believe in happiness anymore, I might as well be unhappy at the monastery. At least I won't be a burden to my family. Not that I'm a burden now, but it's the principle.

Accepting unhappiness to end up at the happiest place I've found thus far. Hmm.

But really, monastery needs to be placed back in the equation. Didn't I just say suicide needs to be placed back in the equation?

Pentax ZX-5n, Kodak BW400CN:

College baseball, Taida campus.

The most familiar stretch of my commute to school - Xindian riverside bikeway along the double-decker elevated freeway.