the nature of my closest relations, part 1

My most recent email exchange with my cousin:

Me:
September 16; 11:15 PM (after my uncle called to tell me he's going to visit Audrey and asking whether I want to go. As I mentioned, I hadn't heard from Audrey since July, so I was just putting a feeler out)

Hey Audrey,

I guess you know your dad is going to visit you. I think he's waiting for me to decide whether I'm going with him to buy his ticket. Do you know how long he's planning to be there and if he's returning to Taiwan afterwards?

I told myself if I heard back from her before I turned off my computer, then I'd go. It's my strategy to make decisions based on whatever else happens in the world.

Her:
September 17; 2:18 AM (before I turned off my computer):
hi dear, I told him that he can invite you to join his visit.  He plan to come on Sept 25, and stay until Oct 5th or 6th then flying to NJ to see your parent and our uncle.  Then he will come back to Taiwan around Oct 17th.
Are you interesting in coming?  You can stay as long as you want.  Too bad, you should be here earlier to help settle down the house, moving the furniture for me.  Yesterday, I have to call up a friend for help 7 o’clock at night moving a heaving table to my house..  I feel so bad to bother them.

Audrey

Me:
September 17; 2:32 AM:
Ah OK, your father will probably call me first thing in the morning and I guess I'll tell him I'll go. I won't go to N.J with him, but I'll figure out my travel plans with him when he calls. Sorry I couldn't help you with furniture. Where's Eric (the cheating husband)? Useless, once again! 

Me:
September 17; 12:46 PM (after her father called and I told him I wasn't going):
bah, I couldn't do it. when I woke up I realized I couldn't decide whether to go or not and I was going back and forth all morning. When your dad finally called, though, I realized I wouldn't go. Sorry. I hope to at some point, though.

Me:
September 19; 2:06 AM (after getting no response after telling her I wasn't going):

Hey Audrey,

I hope you're OK that I'm not going to visit. I told myself if you responded to my email before your father called, I'd. go. And you did, so I said I'd go.

But after waking up the next morning, before your father called, I felt strongly undecided, even though every logical reason told me I should go, it'd be great, it'd be better for me. Your father called later than I expected and while I was waiting, I was completely undecided, and even when my phone rang, I didn't know what I'd say. But after I answered and I had to say something, it just came out that I wouldn't go. And I was relieved. 

And surprised. But I won't bore you with the reasons I came up with later why I decided not to go. Just that there's no connection. It was the feeling. It didn't make sense, it's not my reality. There's no solid foundation for going. Looking at the continuity of my reality, it didn't make sense. It would have been pretending my day-to-day reality is something other than what it is. Going would have meant I'm involved in some way. And the reality is that I'm not. 

If you're disappointed, I'm sorry, but I hope you didn't really give a crap whether I went or not and either way is fine.
love

Her:
September 19; 10:14 PM:
My father is going to make the reservation for his travel plan, i asked him to book the ticket with you under the name Koji Li.  Is that correct?  

He is taking Japan airline departing from Kaohsiung, transfer in Tokyo and arrive in LA.  Then take the connecting flight to Phenix.  He plans to leave on Sept 25th. I let him book your return flight  on Oct 25th.  But you can always change the time for going back to Taiwan.  

Please call my dad.

Me:
September 20; 12:34 AM:
Did you get my last email? Did you even read it? The irony is so thick!

Her:
September 20; 1:09 AM:
yes, i did get the your mail.  But it seems like you haven’t spoke to him yet.  he doesn’t seem know any of your plan

Audrey

At this point, I restrained myself from acknowledging her getting my email, but then telling her to go read it! and waited for her to figure it out. Didn't have to wait long, she's in no way stupid. 

Her:
September 20; 1:12 AM:
hi, sorry.  i re-read all the email that you send and I finally find one that I miss.  So you do decide that you will not come.  I will call my dad and tell him about it.

  Sorry for the mis communication.

Audrey

Good decision not to go. It's none of my business. All family dynamics are none of my business. As far as I'm concerned, all is cut with Audrey. Even when she says she re-read all my emails, I don't know if she was responding to the initial, brief email saying I wasn't going, or the follow-up that was worried that she wasn't cool with it. I don't know, and it's none of my business.

As for my uncle, I've long held the tenet never to travel with him. Too often I haven't followed that. But this is a perfect example for the tenet. I told him I wasn't going, yet Audrey later reports he doesn't know what my plan is. That's the way he rolls. That's why never travel with him. He's a great guy, but lives in an alternate reality.