Things had been going so well sleep-wise that I was surprised that it was just last Thursday, less than a week ago that I reported insomnia in a string of bad nights. But there's no reason to be surprised, it's just part of optimism that goes with a string of good nights.

Back-end insomnia was a surprise last night/this morning since I was so exhausted last night that I was ready to pass out while shutting down early to get into bed. Again, my kind of chronic insomnia has no logic or pattern.

I mentioned depression a while ago and how bringing up how well I deal with it was kind of a Pandora's box that led to a resurgence of it. That totally faded on its own back to status quo. So I stand by long-term mindfulness practice being effective for depression.

The downside is that it is a long process. There's a lot of getting through, even surviving, a lot before getting to the point where one can realize depression is no longer the demon it once was. When even in a period of resurgence, the mindfulness habit of observation combined with wisdom and compassion wins out. The resurgence is just a feeling, the observation that the feeling is temporary and conditional is fact.

However, depression, even if just a brief resurgence, is a direct line to suicide, which had at the time put into motion thoughts of a next attempt. The feeling is gone, but the idea of a next attempt is something I'm seriously thinking about.

The whole Robin Williams thing created the faux question of 'how did he know it was time?'. How do I know it's time for another attempt? I don't. I'm still processing it. I'm due to go to New Jersey for a couple weeks at the the end of November into December, a trip to which I'm not looking forward.

I would love it if I committed suicide to avoid going. The planned trip certainly isn't going to stop me if the fancy arises. But I don't have any solid plans, so I'll probably go along with the trip. It's still just theoretical.