FW: Increase your vocabulary. Learn a new word each day:
- Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
- Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
- Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.
- Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
- Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
- Control: A short, ugly inmate.
- Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
- Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living.
- Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist.
- Heroes: what a guy in a boat does.
- Left Bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
- Misty: How golfers create divots.
- Paradox: two physicians.
- Parasites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
- Pharmacist: a helper on the farm.
- Polarize: what penguins see with.
- Primate: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
- Relief: what trees do in the spring.
- Rubberneck: what you do to relax your wife.
- Seamstress: describes 250 pounds in a size six.
- Selfish: what the owner of a seafood store does.
- Subdued: like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, you know, submarines, man.
- Sudafed: bringing litigation against a government official.
("Sub-dude", huh-huh, huh-huh)
hm, OK, these are better (though not by much):
- Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
- A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
- A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
- My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
- Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
- Practice safe eating: always use condiments.
- I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
- I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
- I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
- If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
- A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
- Marriage is the mourning after, knot before.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
- Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
- Banning the bra was a big flop.
- Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
- Without geometry, life is pointless.
- When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
- Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
- Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Joycee factoid of the day: Joycee's not here, man.
