I think I'm going to officially declare that I've lost my digi camera. The irony is that I've been clamping down these past weeks on petty forgetfulness. It started driving me crazy that I'd get out of work and have to think where I left my bike.

Last month I lost my passcard. I'm afraid of losing my keys. That happened before and it prompted me to separate all my keys so if I lost one key, I wouldn't lose them all. For three years I've been wearing my bike keys separate, around my neck on a pink Spice World keychain. Until I realized it probably wasn't very cool. That was about a month ago.

I've been putting a concerted effort into concentrating where I park my bike so that when I walk out of work I remember exactly where it is, and which pocket I put which keys, my passcard, and bike computer, so that at any time during the day I can remember where anything is by remembering the image of putting it there.

Yes, I'm obsessive compusive when it comes to losing things. I have a fear of losing things, which is partly why I don't let anyone get too close. My fear of heights, I believe, is connected to a fear of losing things irrevocably.

I don't know if I should get another camera. Thinking of making a huge outlay of money clashes with the impulse of saving for a rainy day, but maybe this is the rainy day.

Another irony is that I view spending money as self-destructive because it's not saving for a rainy day. But if I'm self-destructive, why save money? Quitting job is also self-destructive. I'm still at my job. And I keep professing that I'm self-destructive. Poor baby.