Relationships are no where on the map of my future life plan. I have no interest and I can't even imagine what it would take to get me to the point where I would actually consider it. Mind you, I still react to human proximity suggestive of intimacy, and I'm perfectly eligible for being seduced without much resistance, I shouldn't wonder.
I don't know how that all works with the current dominant aspects of my life which hint at a more resolute . . . "moral" fiber, but it hasn't exactly been an issue for the past, oh, 7 years or so. I'm not worried or holding my breath. Or taking cold showers.
There's nothing about relationships I miss. However, I did think of one thing I would like in a relationship. I would like to be there when my loved one was dying, hold her in my arms and smile and be happy for her, happy for our times together, happy for all that she had given me. Support her while she died with positive energy. Smile and laugh while saying goodbye. That would be nice. Not worth getting into a relationship for that, though.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. Will You Love Me Tomorrow? (Carole King)
2. Styrofoam Plates (Death Cab for Cutie)
3. On Guard (Le Tigre)
4. Waitress (live) (Tori Amos)
5. What Does It Take (To Win Your Love) (Junior Walker & the All-Stars)
6. PDA (Interpol)
7. Changes (live) (David Bowie)
8. Long Knives (Rainer Maria)
9. Wind-Up (Jethro Tull)
10. Egypt (Kate Bush)
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I went with my brother this evening to see Avenue Q on Broadway. It far exceeded my expectations. I had heard that it was probably the most inventive show to come to Broadway in recent memory, but even being prepped, it was still amazing seeing it executed. Rolling in the aisles hilarious. It also had probably the most raunchiest sex scenes ever on a Broadway stage. By muppets no less.
This is in contrast to "Mama Mia" which I went to involuntarily a few weeks ago. I thought it was terrible, mostly because of the sound design. The music was pumped through the speakers at near rock show volumes that you couldn't tell if there were real musicians playing, and the singers were constantly competing with it. It came across to me as contrived and meaningless.
I sent out my application for that language course this morning. So I might be in Taiwan in a month. It's not surreal yet, but I'm sure it will be soon.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. December (Unwound)
2. Too Many Mornings ("Follies" - Sondheim)
3. Win (David Bowie)
4. Khushiyon Ka Din Aaya Hai ("Beta")
5. Starmaker (Julie Plug)
6. Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Diana Ross)
7. Please, Please (Stacy's Song) (Julie Plug)
8. Stand In Traffic (Skip Holiday)
9. Echo (Sweet Honey in the Rock)
10. Apple Scruffs (George Harrison)
This is in contrast to "Mama Mia" which I went to involuntarily a few weeks ago. I thought it was terrible, mostly because of the sound design. The music was pumped through the speakers at near rock show volumes that you couldn't tell if there were real musicians playing, and the singers were constantly competing with it. It came across to me as contrived and meaningless.
I sent out my application for that language course this morning. So I might be in Taiwan in a month. It's not surreal yet, but I'm sure it will be soon.
iTunes soundtrack:
1. December (Unwound)
2. Too Many Mornings ("Follies" - Sondheim)
3. Win (David Bowie)
4. Khushiyon Ka Din Aaya Hai ("Beta")
5. Starmaker (Julie Plug)
6. Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Diana Ross)
7. Please, Please (Stacy's Song) (Julie Plug)
8. Stand In Traffic (Skip Holiday)
9. Echo (Sweet Honey in the Rock)
10. Apple Scruffs (George Harrison)
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Mind you, dark energy is complete hypothesis, and coming out of the scientific community should not give it any more validity than any other intangible, albeit deeply held, spiritual belief. Scientific theory as spiritual belief? Yes, I think it depends on how far you take it.
If you take the scientific pursuit far enough, especially down the quantum physics path, you find yourself in an existential pool with a lot of spiritual questions rubbing against your legs as you try to stay afloat. Walking down a spiritual path, if you ignore science, i.e. observation of the natural world, then maybe your faith is bigger than your Bible, whatever bible you use.
Science is spot on accurate when applied to the directly observable natural world. With the indirectly observable world, the odds are still in its favor because of the method, but there's a lot more room for error. And then with corporate tampering or academic politics in the form of financing and prestige, there's even more room for error.
But theoretical science is where faith comes in. Early astronomers arguably weren't always making direct observations. They were watching abstract points of light in the sky and trying to deduce what natural forces were at play. They weren't directly observing the forces. And believing them wasn't a matter of necessarily being able to make tests and predictions. There was a certain element of faith involved. You can review the findings, recreate the observations, but in the end you can disbelieve the resulting theory.
And every few hundred years, the entire formulation of the cosmos had to be destroyed and re-worked! So even when talking science, "science" needs to be qualified. Newton has survived, but he had to be amended by Einstein. Einstein is holding up pretty well, but then we have that little problem with quantum mechanics.
In 300 hundred years, maybe all of this will go out the door again, maybe our rock solid faith in our theories based on indirect observation will have to be amended. Maybe religion should learn something from the flexibility of science.
If you take the scientific pursuit far enough, especially down the quantum physics path, you find yourself in an existential pool with a lot of spiritual questions rubbing against your legs as you try to stay afloat. Walking down a spiritual path, if you ignore science, i.e. observation of the natural world, then maybe your faith is bigger than your Bible, whatever bible you use.
Science is spot on accurate when applied to the directly observable natural world. With the indirectly observable world, the odds are still in its favor because of the method, but there's a lot more room for error. And then with corporate tampering or academic politics in the form of financing and prestige, there's even more room for error.
But theoretical science is where faith comes in. Early astronomers arguably weren't always making direct observations. They were watching abstract points of light in the sky and trying to deduce what natural forces were at play. They weren't directly observing the forces. And believing them wasn't a matter of necessarily being able to make tests and predictions. There was a certain element of faith involved. You can review the findings, recreate the observations, but in the end you can disbelieve the resulting theory.
And every few hundred years, the entire formulation of the cosmos had to be destroyed and re-worked! So even when talking science, "science" needs to be qualified. Newton has survived, but he had to be amended by Einstein. Einstein is holding up pretty well, but then we have that little problem with quantum mechanics.
In 300 hundred years, maybe all of this will go out the door again, maybe our rock solid faith in our theories based on indirect observation will have to be amended. Maybe religion should learn something from the flexibility of science.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Dude, whoa. I had this flash of a thought this morning equating consciousness, or the origin of consciousness, or maybe sentience, with dark energy, an as-of-yet unknown and mysterious force hypothesized to comprise almost 75% of the total universe. However, in the bright light of day, the idea is a bit too grandiose and far-fetched.
I must have been such a hippie in the 60's. Deep, man.
The way I figure it, my spiritual investigation into existence needs to delve into the origins of human consciousness. I don't believe in a "God" that is separate from ourselves that arbitrarily created us just to arbitrarily judge us in the end. That concept makes so little sense that I don't even know where to begin about how little sense it makes. It's so fraught with human projection that how it could possibly be regarded as "divine" is beyond me.
Delving into human consciousness in the grand scheme of things runs into the problem that human beings are bit players in the grand scheme of things. Spirituality tries to attach some meaning to our existence in the grand scheme of things, but if the history of the universe was placed on a 12 month calendar, humans occupy hardly a few seconds approaching midnight on December 31st.
There might be spiritual meaning to our existence, but it needs to take into consideration that our individual lives are just not that important.
So I try to trace back human consciousness to its beginning, to its source. Where did it come from? What is it in the grand scheme of things? How did the universe come from a place where human consciousness did not exist to get to a place where it did exist?
I think about how did this planet come from a place where life did not exist to get to a place where life did exist. The current theory is that all the naturally occuring elements required for organic life were present on this planet, as they are suspected of existing on numerous planets throughout the universe. The combination is not uncommon.
We had the "primordial soup", we had an atmosphere, and with all the conditions in place, energy, in the form of naturally occuring lightning, created the first amino acids, which became the building blocks for life. It's so simple and not uncommon that it is hypothesized that the universe is teeming with organic life.
Getting to sentience, much less human sentience and consciousness, is another matter. It may have been a long development of evolution for it to come into being, but what is its source? What is the ground out of which it was able to develop?
So I was just playing with the idea of how little we know. Almost 75% of the universe is completely unknown in what we're arbitrarily calling "dark energy" in affirmative pronouncement, as well as denial, of our ignorance.
Then I think of the theorized 4% of what comprises the observable universe, all we can detect, all that we know about. Much of it is known in various forms of electro-magnetic energy. 75% "dark energy". 4% known energy. My thought came out of thinking that dark energy isn't this one monolithic thing, that there are multiple, multiple, multiple types of "dark energy" as there are electro-magnetic energy, permeating the universe.
And as it may have been lightning that provided the energy to catalyze the formation of life on this arbitrary planet, I'm wondering if something similar might have happened to form sentience or consciousness, or human consciousness out of some refined form of what we're calling dark energy which permeates the universe. It's everywhere, it's here right now, we just can't detect it, just as we can't detect consciousness.
I'm seriously not proposing this at all seriously.
What I am proposing is that human consciousness is a form of something that is naturally formed by natural elements that exist in the universe, albeit exotic to our current scientific understanding. It may be rare. It may be unique in the specific form it has taken on this planet. But in the grand scheme of things it's not something uncommon or mystical.
Even in a spiritual interpretation, what we're deeming "spiritual" is something naturally occuring in the dark energy. Spirituality is the best scientific tool we have to investigate this natural phenomenon. That is what I think spirituality should be, not the garbage organized religions brainwash people to think and believe.
A spiritual investigation into the nature of the self, consciousness, and existence should not lead people to oppress, persecute, or denigrate other people. It should not try to teach people 'what is', implying that other beliefs are 'what is not'.
Now, for Buddhists, that ground of reality, consciousness, and existence is the ultimate reality, referred to as Buddha nature. It is the ultimate, the absolute – non-created, non-destroyed, non-dualistic, all things inextricably interconnected. The form Buddhism took on this planet, with its ideals of compassion and equanimity, was more or less a fabrication by living beings on this planet necessary to promote interest in these teachings of well-being and respect for other beings as a means of striving for enlightenment.
Is the essence of Buddhist teaching naturally formed? That's what I'm suggesting. But then there's a reason why Buddhism is so consonant with science, more so than God-based spiritualities. I'm not suggesting either way is right or wrong. Just what makes sense to me.
soundtrack:
1. Fireplace (REM)
2. The Smartest Monkeys (XTC)
3. Change It (live) (Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble)
4. She (Suede)
5. (Just Like) Starting Over (John Lennon)
6. Strawberry Fields Forever (Take 7 & Edit Piece) (The Beatles)
7. I Can't Imagine the World Without Me (Echobelly)
8. Rudy (live) (Supertramp)
9. One More Day (The Neville Brothers)
10. Tell Him (Lauryn Hill)
I must have been such a hippie in the 60's. Deep, man.
The way I figure it, my spiritual investigation into existence needs to delve into the origins of human consciousness. I don't believe in a "God" that is separate from ourselves that arbitrarily created us just to arbitrarily judge us in the end. That concept makes so little sense that I don't even know where to begin about how little sense it makes. It's so fraught with human projection that how it could possibly be regarded as "divine" is beyond me.
Delving into human consciousness in the grand scheme of things runs into the problem that human beings are bit players in the grand scheme of things. Spirituality tries to attach some meaning to our existence in the grand scheme of things, but if the history of the universe was placed on a 12 month calendar, humans occupy hardly a few seconds approaching midnight on December 31st.
There might be spiritual meaning to our existence, but it needs to take into consideration that our individual lives are just not that important.
So I try to trace back human consciousness to its beginning, to its source. Where did it come from? What is it in the grand scheme of things? How did the universe come from a place where human consciousness did not exist to get to a place where it did exist?
I think about how did this planet come from a place where life did not exist to get to a place where life did exist. The current theory is that all the naturally occuring elements required for organic life were present on this planet, as they are suspected of existing on numerous planets throughout the universe. The combination is not uncommon.
We had the "primordial soup", we had an atmosphere, and with all the conditions in place, energy, in the form of naturally occuring lightning, created the first amino acids, which became the building blocks for life. It's so simple and not uncommon that it is hypothesized that the universe is teeming with organic life.
Getting to sentience, much less human sentience and consciousness, is another matter. It may have been a long development of evolution for it to come into being, but what is its source? What is the ground out of which it was able to develop?
So I was just playing with the idea of how little we know. Almost 75% of the universe is completely unknown in what we're arbitrarily calling "dark energy" in affirmative pronouncement, as well as denial, of our ignorance.
Then I think of the theorized 4% of what comprises the observable universe, all we can detect, all that we know about. Much of it is known in various forms of electro-magnetic energy. 75% "dark energy". 4% known energy. My thought came out of thinking that dark energy isn't this one monolithic thing, that there are multiple, multiple, multiple types of "dark energy" as there are electro-magnetic energy, permeating the universe.
And as it may have been lightning that provided the energy to catalyze the formation of life on this arbitrary planet, I'm wondering if something similar might have happened to form sentience or consciousness, or human consciousness out of some refined form of what we're calling dark energy which permeates the universe. It's everywhere, it's here right now, we just can't detect it, just as we can't detect consciousness.
I'm seriously not proposing this at all seriously.
What I am proposing is that human consciousness is a form of something that is naturally formed by natural elements that exist in the universe, albeit exotic to our current scientific understanding. It may be rare. It may be unique in the specific form it has taken on this planet. But in the grand scheme of things it's not something uncommon or mystical.
Even in a spiritual interpretation, what we're deeming "spiritual" is something naturally occuring in the dark energy. Spirituality is the best scientific tool we have to investigate this natural phenomenon. That is what I think spirituality should be, not the garbage organized religions brainwash people to think and believe.
A spiritual investigation into the nature of the self, consciousness, and existence should not lead people to oppress, persecute, or denigrate other people. It should not try to teach people 'what is', implying that other beliefs are 'what is not'.
Now, for Buddhists, that ground of reality, consciousness, and existence is the ultimate reality, referred to as Buddha nature. It is the ultimate, the absolute – non-created, non-destroyed, non-dualistic, all things inextricably interconnected. The form Buddhism took on this planet, with its ideals of compassion and equanimity, was more or less a fabrication by living beings on this planet necessary to promote interest in these teachings of well-being and respect for other beings as a means of striving for enlightenment.
Is the essence of Buddhist teaching naturally formed? That's what I'm suggesting. But then there's a reason why Buddhism is so consonant with science, more so than God-based spiritualities. I'm not suggesting either way is right or wrong. Just what makes sense to me.
soundtrack:
1. Fireplace (REM)
2. The Smartest Monkeys (XTC)
3. Change It (live) (Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble)
4. She (Suede)
5. (Just Like) Starting Over (John Lennon)
6. Strawberry Fields Forever (Take 7 & Edit Piece) (The Beatles)
7. I Can't Imagine the World Without Me (Echobelly)
8. Rudy (live) (Supertramp)
9. One More Day (The Neville Brothers)
10. Tell Him (Lauryn Hill)
Sunday, January 22, 2006
I finished a bottle of 151 rum in one week. That's a sobering fact. This is the stuff that is supposed to force moderation, and it might not last any longer than a 1.75l bottle of regular liquor. There's only one way to find out. I wouldn't mind. It'd be cheaper.
And I think the 151 rum is destroying my voice. I don't exactly have a wide vocal range, but I haven't been able to hit any notes near what I'm supposed to. It feels like my vocal cords are shredded.
current soundtrack:
1. Tabako ga suitai (Sekiri) "I want a cigarette"
2. Virginia Avenue (Tom Waits)
3. Raining (Versus)
4. Ice (Sarah McLachlan)
5. Gravity Rides Everything (Modest Mouse)
6. Living for the City (Stevie Wonder)
7. Glass and the Ghost Children (Smashing Pumpkins) maybe the single worst Pumpkins song
8. Kayleigh (alternate mix) (Marillion)
9. Ancient Cryme (Helium)
10. Nezasa Shirabe (Katsuya Yokoyama)
And I think the 151 rum is destroying my voice. I don't exactly have a wide vocal range, but I haven't been able to hit any notes near what I'm supposed to. It feels like my vocal cords are shredded.
current soundtrack:
1. Tabako ga suitai (Sekiri) "I want a cigarette"
2. Virginia Avenue (Tom Waits)
3. Raining (Versus)
4. Ice (Sarah McLachlan)
5. Gravity Rides Everything (Modest Mouse)
6. Living for the City (Stevie Wonder)
7. Glass and the Ghost Children (Smashing Pumpkins) maybe the single worst Pumpkins song
8. Kayleigh (alternate mix) (Marillion)
9. Ancient Cryme (Helium)
10. Nezasa Shirabe (Katsuya Yokoyama)
Friday, January 20, 2006
I thought this was kind of cool. I took an online quiz yesterday on psychic abilities or something, just for fun. As opposed to the online quizzes I take totally seriously.
I took it knowing I have no psychic abilities. I took it with a healthy skepticism regarding "psychic abilities" in general. Still, I've had my share of seriously weird shit come down in my life. Shit that made me go, "whoa!" like Keanu Reeves, but things worth going "whoa!" about.
Anyway, as an observation, I noted the vagueness of the questions and how many were conditional and could go either way. So I did the quiz twice, once with all the answers going one way – the skeptical way, and once with all the answers going the other way, giving benefit of doubt to all the weird occurrences.
And there are problems with most of the questions. Such as "Have you ever experienced a premonition or dream of the future?". Compare that to "Have you ever experienced a premonition or dream of the future that actually came true?".
"Do bright lights bother you – car headlights, for example?" If they're shining directly into my eyes, yes. If they're off in the distance, no. "Would you say you've been lucky in your life so far?" In some ways, yes, in other ways, no. Who isn't like that?
Anyway, the results were predictable, but both times my "clairvoyance" rating was higher than the others. Did I take that to mean anything? No. Did I even know what that is? Not really. I closed the test without deeming it worthy of posting the results.
Then my alarm awoke me this morning at precisely 8:00 A.M. That's no problem. I have no problem waking up at 8 in the morning. Except my alarm was set to 9:00, and has been for the past six months, and nothing in the past 24 hours even suggested that I had changed, intentionally or accidentally, the alarm to 8:00 A.M.
Weird? Yes.
Explanation? No.
Very weird? Yes.
Significant? Skeptic: no. Weirdo: Someone is reminding me that things are not as they seem.
Do I care? Eh.
(I have two indicators of time in the morning, both set to do something at 9:00. One is the alarm, and the other is a light on a timer that turns off at 2:30, after a 2:00 bedtime as part of the "sleep as dying" practice. So when my alarm went off this morning (I turn it off without looking at the time since I know what time it is), I noticed something wrong when some time later, the light hadn't turned on.)
iTunes shuffled soundtrack:
1. Loner Getaway Car (764-HERO)
2. Your Gold Dress (Dukes of Stratosphear)
3. Overture/Audition ("42nd Street")
4. Grapefruit Moon (Tom Waits)
5. Evil Woman (Electric Light Orchestra)
6. The Show Must Go On (Queen)
7. Rhinosaur (Soundgarden)
8. Waterhole (Marillion)
9. Piano concerto No. 1, I. Allegro maestoso (Chopin)
10. Run (Supergrass)
I took it knowing I have no psychic abilities. I took it with a healthy skepticism regarding "psychic abilities" in general. Still, I've had my share of seriously weird shit come down in my life. Shit that made me go, "whoa!" like Keanu Reeves, but things worth going "whoa!" about.
Anyway, as an observation, I noted the vagueness of the questions and how many were conditional and could go either way. So I did the quiz twice, once with all the answers going one way – the skeptical way, and once with all the answers going the other way, giving benefit of doubt to all the weird occurrences.
And there are problems with most of the questions. Such as "Have you ever experienced a premonition or dream of the future?". Compare that to "Have you ever experienced a premonition or dream of the future that actually came true?".
"Do bright lights bother you – car headlights, for example?" If they're shining directly into my eyes, yes. If they're off in the distance, no. "Would you say you've been lucky in your life so far?" In some ways, yes, in other ways, no. Who isn't like that?
Anyway, the results were predictable, but both times my "clairvoyance" rating was higher than the others. Did I take that to mean anything? No. Did I even know what that is? Not really. I closed the test without deeming it worthy of posting the results.
Then my alarm awoke me this morning at precisely 8:00 A.M. That's no problem. I have no problem waking up at 8 in the morning. Except my alarm was set to 9:00, and has been for the past six months, and nothing in the past 24 hours even suggested that I had changed, intentionally or accidentally, the alarm to 8:00 A.M.
Weird? Yes.
Explanation? No.
Very weird? Yes.
Significant? Skeptic: no. Weirdo: Someone is reminding me that things are not as they seem.
Do I care? Eh.
(I have two indicators of time in the morning, both set to do something at 9:00. One is the alarm, and the other is a light on a timer that turns off at 2:30, after a 2:00 bedtime as part of the "sleep as dying" practice. So when my alarm went off this morning (I turn it off without looking at the time since I know what time it is), I noticed something wrong when some time later, the light hadn't turned on.)
iTunes shuffled soundtrack:
1. Loner Getaway Car (764-HERO)
2. Your Gold Dress (Dukes of Stratosphear)
3. Overture/Audition ("42nd Street")
4. Grapefruit Moon (Tom Waits)
5. Evil Woman (Electric Light Orchestra)
6. The Show Must Go On (Queen)
7. Rhinosaur (Soundgarden)
8. Waterhole (Marillion)
9. Piano concerto No. 1, I. Allegro maestoso (Chopin)
10. Run (Supergrass)
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Trying to steer clear of my negativity, which my surroundings and circumstances aren't helping, by keeping my mouth shut. I'm on the verge of completely losing it. And one can only keep hoping that I do.
Easing the torpor, perhaps, Liz says she'll send me a copy of her 2005 mix. That prompted me to look at what I've been listening to in 2005 to see if any of it was mix-worthy. Here's what I'm contemplating, in order:
1. New Killer Star (David Bowie) this song goes on my list of greatest album openers
2. Waupu Odabala (Betel Nuts compilation) Taiwanese/polynesian aboriginal music
3. Sambita (Kinky) several years old Mexican electronica/funk/rock/dance
4. Suspended from Class (Camera Obscura) not sure about this position
5. Katun no Sadame (Fate of Khatun) (Ichiko Hashimoto - RahXephon soundtrack)
6. Mushaboom (Feist) Leslie Feist makes me weak in the knees
7. The Wayback (Whysall Lane) their album is finally slated for release in February, and if this track is any indication, it will be as good as any Versus album.
8. Cassiopeia (Joanna Newsom) referred to by her. There is too little indie harp music out there. or too much.
9. King Without a Crown (Matisyahu) "What's this feeling/My love will burn a hole through the ceiling"
10. Blue Flow (Heart of Air - Haibane Renmei soundtrack, but not on the soundtrack CD)
11. Leaning Against the Wall (Evil Tordivel Upbeat Remake) (Kings of Convenience) any remake of a Kings of Convenience song is bound to be more upbeat.
12. Temptation of Egg (Giant Sand) also several years old
13. You're in a Bad Way (Saint Etienne) really old, not sure if this will stay
14. Yo Pitatalaen (Betel Nuts compilation)
15. Three Little Babes (Joanna Newsom)
16. Paths of Victory (Cat Power) Bob Dylan cover used in the film North Country.
17. Ue o Muite (Sunday Girls) Tasteful modern cover of my favorite Japanese oldie of all time. Actually it's the only Japanese "oldie" I know, popularly known as Sukiyaki, a title that reflects the racist norm of the time. It's foreign, it's Asian, but people seem to like it and so it needs a title, just use any whatever Oriental-sounding word.
18. A Man/Me/Then Jim (Rilo Kiley)
19. Goodnight Moon (Shivaree) from one of the Kill Bill movies.
Easing the torpor, perhaps, Liz says she'll send me a copy of her 2005 mix. That prompted me to look at what I've been listening to in 2005 to see if any of it was mix-worthy. Here's what I'm contemplating, in order:
1. New Killer Star (David Bowie) this song goes on my list of greatest album openers
2. Waupu Odabala (Betel Nuts compilation) Taiwanese/polynesian aboriginal music
3. Sambita (Kinky) several years old Mexican electronica/funk/rock/dance
4. Suspended from Class (Camera Obscura) not sure about this position
5. Katun no Sadame (Fate of Khatun) (Ichiko Hashimoto - RahXephon soundtrack)
6. Mushaboom (Feist) Leslie Feist makes me weak in the knees
7. The Wayback (Whysall Lane) their album is finally slated for release in February, and if this track is any indication, it will be as good as any Versus album.
8. Cassiopeia (Joanna Newsom) referred to by her. There is too little indie harp music out there. or too much.
9. King Without a Crown (Matisyahu) "What's this feeling/My love will burn a hole through the ceiling"
10. Blue Flow (Heart of Air - Haibane Renmei soundtrack, but not on the soundtrack CD)
11. Leaning Against the Wall (Evil Tordivel Upbeat Remake) (Kings of Convenience) any remake of a Kings of Convenience song is bound to be more upbeat.
12. Temptation of Egg (Giant Sand) also several years old
13. You're in a Bad Way (Saint Etienne) really old, not sure if this will stay
14. Yo Pitatalaen (Betel Nuts compilation)
15. Three Little Babes (Joanna Newsom)
16. Paths of Victory (Cat Power) Bob Dylan cover used in the film North Country.
17. Ue o Muite (Sunday Girls) Tasteful modern cover of my favorite Japanese oldie of all time. Actually it's the only Japanese "oldie" I know, popularly known as Sukiyaki, a title that reflects the racist norm of the time. It's foreign, it's Asian, but people seem to like it and so it needs a title, just use any whatever Oriental-sounding word.
18. A Man/Me/Then Jim (Rilo Kiley)
19. Goodnight Moon (Shivaree) from one of the Kill Bill movies.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
I find, not surprisingly, that using falling asleep as a meditative "rehearsal" for dying is a more tangible version of my general personal inquiry into existence and reality. It's a direct confrontation of my surroundings and senses, as a representative of my surroundings and senses the rest of the time, that this will all subjectively become nothing. That's the reality. The surroundings and senses rendered illusory.
It continues in the morning when confronted with another day of the illusion of surroundings and senses, usually with 45 minutes of just sitting quietly in my own mind. These days, my immediate future comes up for contemplation.
Within the next month or so, I might be in Taiwan. A host of steps still need to be taken for this to happen. The logistics are far from concrete. Things like having no idea what I will be doing once I step out of the airport. These things need to be settled. I need to know where I'll be going from the airport and how, for starters.
I've trained myself not to get stressed out about the future. The illusion of the future is a vast, heartbreaking unknown. It's very intangible. It will change my current situation. By nature that is what the future is supposed to do.
Switch focus to my past, looking at how I got here from there, it doesn't matter. It's all gone. When rehearsing dying, fading to sleep, trying to keep my eyes open and aware of my immediate surroundings and senses, those feeling are no different from the past memories I have. Then die, fall asleep.
The future is not here yet, the past is gone, live in the present moment, sitting quietly for 45 minutes. The present moment isn't even tangible. Each time I try to identify the present moment to live in it, it almost immediately becomes the past.
That's supposed to be sorta profound. Or not.
iTunes soundtrack shuffle:
1. Fake French (Le Tigre)
2. Fading ("Haibane Renmei")
3. It Would Have Been Wonderful ("A Little Night Music" - Sondheim)
4. Final Storm ("Secret Garden")
5. Sexthinkone (Shriekback)
6. Humdrum (live) (Peter Gabriel)
7. Duppy Conqueror (The Wailers)
8. Buzz (Throwing Muses)
9. The Colonial Wing (10,000 Maniacs)
10. Testify (Parliament)
It continues in the morning when confronted with another day of the illusion of surroundings and senses, usually with 45 minutes of just sitting quietly in my own mind. These days, my immediate future comes up for contemplation.
Within the next month or so, I might be in Taiwan. A host of steps still need to be taken for this to happen. The logistics are far from concrete. Things like having no idea what I will be doing once I step out of the airport. These things need to be settled. I need to know where I'll be going from the airport and how, for starters.
I've trained myself not to get stressed out about the future. The illusion of the future is a vast, heartbreaking unknown. It's very intangible. It will change my current situation. By nature that is what the future is supposed to do.
Switch focus to my past, looking at how I got here from there, it doesn't matter. It's all gone. When rehearsing dying, fading to sleep, trying to keep my eyes open and aware of my immediate surroundings and senses, those feeling are no different from the past memories I have. Then die, fall asleep.
The future is not here yet, the past is gone, live in the present moment, sitting quietly for 45 minutes. The present moment isn't even tangible. Each time I try to identify the present moment to live in it, it almost immediately becomes the past.
That's supposed to be sorta profound. Or not.
iTunes soundtrack shuffle:
1. Fake French (Le Tigre)
2. Fading ("Haibane Renmei")
3. It Would Have Been Wonderful ("A Little Night Music" - Sondheim)
4. Final Storm ("Secret Garden")
5. Sexthinkone (Shriekback)
6. Humdrum (live) (Peter Gabriel)
7. Duppy Conqueror (The Wailers)
8. Buzz (Throwing Muses)
9. The Colonial Wing (10,000 Maniacs)
10. Testify (Parliament)
Thursday, January 12, 2006
"Why would anybody want to spend a bunch of money to sit down in the theatre and have nothing happen to them? I don't understand why they'd want to go and have a safe, pleasant experience which they can forget about as soon as they leave the theatre. What a waste of this powerful thing called life." - Edward Albee
Stupid me. For a second there, I thought he was talking about life. But in my reading, he was.
I get to go for an HIV test tomorrow in case I decide to go for that language course in Taipei. I'm still undecided about the course, but knowing myself, the more I do things to prepare "just in case", the more momentum I'm picking up to go for it, despite any other factors.
And quite honestly, there aren't many "other factors". Go!
This will be the second HIV test I've gotten. I won't say anything about the ridiculous circumstances in which I got my first one, except that at my interview, the woman was *this* close to asking me what the hell was I doing there. My answers placed me in the lowest risk category. At this point, I guarantee I would be in the no risk category.
And as long as I'm moving forward with that, I'll schedule a doctor's appointment for a general check-up. I got a reference from my brother. I get to see how my liver is doing. And as far as I'm concerned, it's none of my family's business that I'm even going, much less whatever results come back.
I've started using falling asleep as a mental rehearsal for dying again. It's a little more focused than before. Before I just tried tracing my consciousness into sleepingness. Never succeeded.
This time around I'm trying to get myself more in the mindset of preparing to die. That this is it. I have some ailment and this is it, no waking up. Fade to black and that's all folks. It's not a choice. There's no choosing to live, no gambling that maybe I'll wake up tomorrow, maybe I won't.
I project out into all reality and existence I'm familiar with and attached to and overwhelm myself that this is it, this will all be gone. Even if there is an objective reality, my particular view of and take on it was purely subjective. It will be completely gone, erased. I trace my consciousness while falling asleep, telling myself this is the last glimpse of this material reality I will ever have from this subjective perspective.
I project out into it, and it also comes cascading back into me. I did treat physical reality as actual. It was real to me; the sensations, the experience. It was me. My life was me. It all gets sucked back into my mind.
Overwhelming, but stay relaxed. Remember being happy. Remember to be happy. I'm not a happy person. The final analysis of my natural being is that I'm not happy. I'm pretty miserable. So I need to make an extra concerted effort into remembering happiness to push my mind into blissfulness. Why? Do you want to die miserable? I don't.
current soundtrack:
1. Nisei Fight Song (Seam)
2. My Name is Mud (Primus)
3. Love (John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band)
4. Dovey (Throwing Muses)
5. New Feeling (Talking Heads)
6. Image Change (Elastica)
7. Your Time is Gonna Come (Led Zeppelin) i swear i'm not making this up
8. Larks Tongue in Aspic, part I (King Crimson)
9. Breakthrough (Modest Mouse)
10. It's Still Rock and Roll to Me (Billy Joel)
Stupid me. For a second there, I thought he was talking about life. But in my reading, he was.
I get to go for an HIV test tomorrow in case I decide to go for that language course in Taipei. I'm still undecided about the course, but knowing myself, the more I do things to prepare "just in case", the more momentum I'm picking up to go for it, despite any other factors.
And quite honestly, there aren't many "other factors". Go!
This will be the second HIV test I've gotten. I won't say anything about the ridiculous circumstances in which I got my first one, except that at my interview, the woman was *this* close to asking me what the hell was I doing there. My answers placed me in the lowest risk category. At this point, I guarantee I would be in the no risk category.
And as long as I'm moving forward with that, I'll schedule a doctor's appointment for a general check-up. I got a reference from my brother. I get to see how my liver is doing. And as far as I'm concerned, it's none of my family's business that I'm even going, much less whatever results come back.
I've started using falling asleep as a mental rehearsal for dying again. It's a little more focused than before. Before I just tried tracing my consciousness into sleepingness. Never succeeded.
This time around I'm trying to get myself more in the mindset of preparing to die. That this is it. I have some ailment and this is it, no waking up. Fade to black and that's all folks. It's not a choice. There's no choosing to live, no gambling that maybe I'll wake up tomorrow, maybe I won't.
I project out into all reality and existence I'm familiar with and attached to and overwhelm myself that this is it, this will all be gone. Even if there is an objective reality, my particular view of and take on it was purely subjective. It will be completely gone, erased. I trace my consciousness while falling asleep, telling myself this is the last glimpse of this material reality I will ever have from this subjective perspective.
I project out into it, and it also comes cascading back into me. I did treat physical reality as actual. It was real to me; the sensations, the experience. It was me. My life was me. It all gets sucked back into my mind.
Overwhelming, but stay relaxed. Remember being happy. Remember to be happy. I'm not a happy person. The final analysis of my natural being is that I'm not happy. I'm pretty miserable. So I need to make an extra concerted effort into remembering happiness to push my mind into blissfulness. Why? Do you want to die miserable? I don't.
current soundtrack:
1. Nisei Fight Song (Seam)
2. My Name is Mud (Primus)
3. Love (John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band)
4. Dovey (Throwing Muses)
5. New Feeling (Talking Heads)
6. Image Change (Elastica)
7. Your Time is Gonna Come (Led Zeppelin) i swear i'm not making this up
8. Larks Tongue in Aspic, part I (King Crimson)
9. Breakthrough (Modest Mouse)
10. It's Still Rock and Roll to Me (Billy Joel)
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
minding this negative post:
It took me forever to complete a really poorly planned and conceived module for the online TEFL course, and now I'm rushing to catch up, hopefully completing two more modules by week's end. I'm going to try to just get this out of the way.
So far, it's been a waste and I can't say I'm getting a whole lot out of this course that I wouldn't have figured out or learned anyway. But I tell myself that the certification will be good to have just in case, since I've been out of work for several years and have no recorded background in teaching English.
I also found that there's a language school in Taipei, associated with one of the major universities, that has a quarter starting in March with an application deadline on January 31st. So just in case I decide to take that route to end up in Taipei, I've been gathering all the materials necessary. A pain, since it's all official and they want stuff that students in their 20's, who have more schooling to get done, go chasing after.
They want a health certificate and an HIV test result, which I won't be going through my family to get. My parents started getting pushy before about giving me a physical and a flu shot, and I got defensive and shut them down. Just because they have a doctor's office, doesn't mean they're my health care providers.
I was even offended that they made that presumption. It would be like going to a doctor and having any results sent to my parents even before I saw them. It's not their prerogative. And as far as I'm concerned it's none of their business.
I showed them defensive by making it as clear as non-verbally possible that they weren't going to be sticking any needles in me, but I understood that there was no need to show them my offense, so I kept that in check. I have no reason to believe they should understand something like that.
Bah, now I'm boring even myself.
current soundtrack:
1. Wait Until Five (764-HERO)
2. Scissor Man (XTC)
3. I Don't Need Anything But You ("Annie")
4. 11:59 (Blondie)
5. Straight, No Chaser (Thelonius Monk)
6. Icarus (Borne On Wings of Steel) (Kansas)
7. So What (Ani DiFranco)
8. Bring On the Night (live) (The Police)
9. Tux On (Marillion)
10. Gethsemane (Peter Gabriel)
It took me forever to complete a really poorly planned and conceived module for the online TEFL course, and now I'm rushing to catch up, hopefully completing two more modules by week's end. I'm going to try to just get this out of the way.
So far, it's been a waste and I can't say I'm getting a whole lot out of this course that I wouldn't have figured out or learned anyway. But I tell myself that the certification will be good to have just in case, since I've been out of work for several years and have no recorded background in teaching English.
I also found that there's a language school in Taipei, associated with one of the major universities, that has a quarter starting in March with an application deadline on January 31st. So just in case I decide to take that route to end up in Taipei, I've been gathering all the materials necessary. A pain, since it's all official and they want stuff that students in their 20's, who have more schooling to get done, go chasing after.
They want a health certificate and an HIV test result, which I won't be going through my family to get. My parents started getting pushy before about giving me a physical and a flu shot, and I got defensive and shut them down. Just because they have a doctor's office, doesn't mean they're my health care providers.
I was even offended that they made that presumption. It would be like going to a doctor and having any results sent to my parents even before I saw them. It's not their prerogative. And as far as I'm concerned it's none of their business.
I showed them defensive by making it as clear as non-verbally possible that they weren't going to be sticking any needles in me, but I understood that there was no need to show them my offense, so I kept that in check. I have no reason to believe they should understand something like that.
Bah, now I'm boring even myself.
current soundtrack:
1. Wait Until Five (764-HERO)
2. Scissor Man (XTC)
3. I Don't Need Anything But You ("Annie")
4. 11:59 (Blondie)
5. Straight, No Chaser (Thelonius Monk)
6. Icarus (Borne On Wings of Steel) (Kansas)
7. So What (Ani DiFranco)
8. Bring On the Night (live) (The Police)
9. Tux On (Marillion)
10. Gethsemane (Peter Gabriel)
Thursday, January 05, 2006
151 Rum and the Fifth Mindfulness Training:
I bought another bottle of 151 rum and put it and the shot glass I use on my altar.
The altar is not a place of worship, there's nothing sacred about it. It does act as a physical space that embodies and symbolizes respect and awareness of sacred spaces, also that everywhere is a sacred space. It's a place where I meet myself; face myself, recognize myself. That's all.
Actually, in the early days before I accepted the idea of an altar, I used to sit in front of a mirror, even though my eyes were mostly closed and I didn't even look at it. I have no idea where that idea came from, I just thought of it and did it.
In short, the so-called 5th mindfulness training is about mindful consumption with an explicit proscription against alcohol, and no matter how I interpret and re-work my understanding of the training, I always react negatively whenever I read that part of the training. I can't do this, I don't accept this, I'm not doing this.
But even with the proscription against consuming alcohol, these are not moral commandments. It doesn't mean that if I drink alcohol, I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean I should feel bad about it. All it means is that when I drink, I'm aware of the possible farther-reaching consequences.
When I'm standing there with a shot glass in hand, I'm going to drink this drink. I, as a person, am the accumulation of many factors and circumstances that has led me to be standing there with this drink in my hand, and I will drink it. The training adds one extra element to drinking it – active awareness of it.
There may come a time when the accumulation of factors and circumstances that make up the person that is me is different. It may be that I've transformed and become a slightly different person, and having trained myself to be mindful of everything that goes into and comes out of drinking, I can refuse the drink as naturally as breathing.
Maybe the training is a protection against drinking becoming an ingrained habit. This is just me, I'm not saying this is true or would work for anyone else. The training isn't even a thought. I'm not thinking, This is bad, or I shouldn't be doing this. It's just a spark. Just recognizing it's a training without thinking what the training is. When time comes to face it, then it can become a thought.
I can never stop drinking and drink for the rest of my life. I can drink myself to death. What I don't want to do is drink blindly as a slave.
current soundtrack: last 10 songs shuffled on iTunes
1. Aerial Boundaries (Michael Hedges)
2. Lady Grinning Soul (David Bowie)
3. The Boxer (Simon & Garfunkel)
4. The Family Solicitor ("Me and My Girl")
5. Alice Springs (Liz Phair)
6. Muzzle (Smashing Pumpkins)
7. Symphony No. 4, I. Adagio, allegro vivace (Beethoven)
8. 85 (Rilo Kiley)
9. Fly Me To the Moon (bossa nova) ("Neon Genesis Evangelion")
10. Wedding (Princess Princess)
I bought another bottle of 151 rum and put it and the shot glass I use on my altar.
The altar is not a place of worship, there's nothing sacred about it. It does act as a physical space that embodies and symbolizes respect and awareness of sacred spaces, also that everywhere is a sacred space. It's a place where I meet myself; face myself, recognize myself. That's all.
Actually, in the early days before I accepted the idea of an altar, I used to sit in front of a mirror, even though my eyes were mostly closed and I didn't even look at it. I have no idea where that idea came from, I just thought of it and did it.
In short, the so-called 5th mindfulness training is about mindful consumption with an explicit proscription against alcohol, and no matter how I interpret and re-work my understanding of the training, I always react negatively whenever I read that part of the training. I can't do this, I don't accept this, I'm not doing this.
But even with the proscription against consuming alcohol, these are not moral commandments. It doesn't mean that if I drink alcohol, I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean I should feel bad about it. All it means is that when I drink, I'm aware of the possible farther-reaching consequences.
When I'm standing there with a shot glass in hand, I'm going to drink this drink. I, as a person, am the accumulation of many factors and circumstances that has led me to be standing there with this drink in my hand, and I will drink it. The training adds one extra element to drinking it – active awareness of it.
There may come a time when the accumulation of factors and circumstances that make up the person that is me is different. It may be that I've transformed and become a slightly different person, and having trained myself to be mindful of everything that goes into and comes out of drinking, I can refuse the drink as naturally as breathing.
Maybe the training is a protection against drinking becoming an ingrained habit. This is just me, I'm not saying this is true or would work for anyone else. The training isn't even a thought. I'm not thinking, This is bad, or I shouldn't be doing this. It's just a spark. Just recognizing it's a training without thinking what the training is. When time comes to face it, then it can become a thought.
I can never stop drinking and drink for the rest of my life. I can drink myself to death. What I don't want to do is drink blindly as a slave.
current soundtrack: last 10 songs shuffled on iTunes
1. Aerial Boundaries (Michael Hedges)
2. Lady Grinning Soul (David Bowie)
3. The Boxer (Simon & Garfunkel)
4. The Family Solicitor ("Me and My Girl")
5. Alice Springs (Liz Phair)
6. Muzzle (Smashing Pumpkins)
7. Symphony No. 4, I. Adagio, allegro vivace (Beethoven)
8. 85 (Rilo Kiley)
9. Fly Me To the Moon (bossa nova) ("Neon Genesis Evangelion")
10. Wedding (Princess Princess)
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
I think I'll head into another "alcoholic phase". It's in quotes because my alcoholicism has never been a problem. It's never been what it is to other people who have a problem with it. It's another paradigm that's different from what it seems most people live.
I finished that bottle of 151 rum, and I'm letting myself be "hooked". The thing is that 151 rum will seer your tastebuds off and deaden your nerves to any lesser alcohol. Raiding the liquor cabinet of a 1.75l bottle of cheap gin and the stuff is like water now. The effect only comes much later, much slower.
I have my practice. I have my journey, my "quest". But I also have my madness, my self-destruction. It's lovely, really. I'm not bi-polar, really. It all makes perfect sense to me, really. They're the same thing, really. If I wasn't mad and self-destructive, I couldn't embark on this exploration into existence. If I wasn't pursuing this internal practice and journey, I wouldn't be mad and self-destructive.
The end result is something in the middle.
Just kidding, the end result is the practice, the journey, and getting beyond the tool of self-destruction. The self-destruction is just a tool.
How easily I could let this blog slip into being a mental health blog, and become dark, negative, self-absorbed. I have blogs like that bookmarked, and I can relate to them, but becoming like that wouldn't be accurate. It was years ago, but not now. And I could never be that forthright about my mental health, and even less inclined to subject myself to the system again.
Why let myself slip into another alcoholic phase when I know I don't need to? I guess I want to. Holy fucking shit, am I depressed? I don't get depressed. If I'm depressed, that would really suck.
current soundtrack:
1. Rocket From a Bottle (XTC)
2. Voices (Cheap Trick)
3. The Message (Bela Fleck & the Flecktones)
4. What You Don't Know About Women ("City of Angels")
5. It's a Mistake (Men At Work)
6. Knives Out (Radiohead)
7. Mother (The Police)
8. A Show of Hands (Victor Wooten)
9. My Name is Mud (Primus)
10. Symphony No. 38, III. Finale (Presto) (Mozart)
I finished that bottle of 151 rum, and I'm letting myself be "hooked". The thing is that 151 rum will seer your tastebuds off and deaden your nerves to any lesser alcohol. Raiding the liquor cabinet of a 1.75l bottle of cheap gin and the stuff is like water now. The effect only comes much later, much slower.
I have my practice. I have my journey, my "quest". But I also have my madness, my self-destruction. It's lovely, really. I'm not bi-polar, really. It all makes perfect sense to me, really. They're the same thing, really. If I wasn't mad and self-destructive, I couldn't embark on this exploration into existence. If I wasn't pursuing this internal practice and journey, I wouldn't be mad and self-destructive.
The end result is something in the middle.
Just kidding, the end result is the practice, the journey, and getting beyond the tool of self-destruction. The self-destruction is just a tool.
How easily I could let this blog slip into being a mental health blog, and become dark, negative, self-absorbed. I have blogs like that bookmarked, and I can relate to them, but becoming like that wouldn't be accurate. It was years ago, but not now. And I could never be that forthright about my mental health, and even less inclined to subject myself to the system again.
Why let myself slip into another alcoholic phase when I know I don't need to? I guess I want to. Holy fucking shit, am I depressed? I don't get depressed. If I'm depressed, that would really suck.
current soundtrack:
1. Rocket From a Bottle (XTC)
2. Voices (Cheap Trick)
3. The Message (Bela Fleck & the Flecktones)
4. What You Don't Know About Women ("City of Angels")
5. It's a Mistake (Men At Work)
6. Knives Out (Radiohead)
7. Mother (The Police)
8. A Show of Hands (Victor Wooten)
9. My Name is Mud (Primus)
10. Symphony No. 38, III. Finale (Presto) (Mozart)
Monday, January 02, 2006
Uh, so let's see...2005: feeling sorry for myself.
January: transition month from monastery to Taiwan via New Jersey.
February-March: Taiwan.
April: transition month back to monastery via New Jersey and San Francisco.
May-July: monastery.
July-December: loser me in loser New Jersey, doing absolutely nothing, reaching new lows. Even killing myself would've been doing something, but I even accepted that I wasn't even going to do that.
2006: continue doing what I don't want to do, by definition, because there is nothing that I do want to do. Anything I end up doing, I don't want to be doing, just because it is doing something.
Madoka sent an eCard on Christmas. She stopped substantive communications a couple years ago, and all my efforts to make a connection went ignored. She hasn't emailed since early November, and I've accepted that everything is different between us, and there just isn't anything left. I will reply, but not with much.
Audrey sent a one line happy new year email. She effectively stopped communicating in October with no explanation, when everything was seemingly going really well between us. Her communications since then, including this one, has suggested that she is cutting contact, and I accept. I won't reply.
As I said, this is just feeling sorry for myself. It is neither reality nor my reality. Cut me some slack, I skipped sitting this morning. Yes, 2006 will be much better. Happy New Years.
current soundtrack: last 10 songs shuffled on iTunes
1. Welcome to the Terrordome (Public Enemy)
2. I Deserve It (Madonna)
3. Here is No Why (Smashing Pumpkins)
4. The Great Escape/The Last of You/Fallin' From the Moon (Marillion)
5. The Nest That Sailed the Sky (Peter Gabriel)
6. The Continental Way (Casiopea)
7. 5:11 A.M. (The Moment of Clarity) (Roger Waters)
8. Don't Start (Too Late) (Black Sabbath)
9. Celluloid Heroes (The Kinks)
10. Senses Working Overtime (XTC)
January: transition month from monastery to Taiwan via New Jersey.
February-March: Taiwan.
April: transition month back to monastery via New Jersey and San Francisco.
May-July: monastery.
July-December: loser me in loser New Jersey, doing absolutely nothing, reaching new lows. Even killing myself would've been doing something, but I even accepted that I wasn't even going to do that.
2006: continue doing what I don't want to do, by definition, because there is nothing that I do want to do. Anything I end up doing, I don't want to be doing, just because it is doing something.
Madoka sent an eCard on Christmas. She stopped substantive communications a couple years ago, and all my efforts to make a connection went ignored. She hasn't emailed since early November, and I've accepted that everything is different between us, and there just isn't anything left. I will reply, but not with much.
Audrey sent a one line happy new year email. She effectively stopped communicating in October with no explanation, when everything was seemingly going really well between us. Her communications since then, including this one, has suggested that she is cutting contact, and I accept. I won't reply.
As I said, this is just feeling sorry for myself. It is neither reality nor my reality. Cut me some slack, I skipped sitting this morning. Yes, 2006 will be much better. Happy New Years.
current soundtrack: last 10 songs shuffled on iTunes
1. Welcome to the Terrordome (Public Enemy)
2. I Deserve It (Madonna)
3. Here is No Why (Smashing Pumpkins)
4. The Great Escape/The Last of You/Fallin' From the Moon (Marillion)
5. The Nest That Sailed the Sky (Peter Gabriel)
6. The Continental Way (Casiopea)
7. 5:11 A.M. (The Moment of Clarity) (Roger Waters)
8. Don't Start (Too Late) (Black Sabbath)
9. Celluloid Heroes (The Kinks)
10. Senses Working Overtime (XTC)
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