I bought another bottle of 151 rum and put it and the shot glass I use on my altar.
The altar is not a place of worship, there's nothing sacred about it. It does act as a physical space that embodies and symbolizes respect and awareness of sacred spaces, also that everywhere is a sacred space. It's a place where I meet myself; face myself, recognize myself. That's all.
Actually, in the early days before I accepted the idea of an altar, I used to sit in front of a mirror, even though my eyes were mostly closed and I didn't even look at it. I have no idea where that idea came from, I just thought of it and did it.
In short, the so-called 5th mindfulness training is about mindful consumption with an explicit proscription against alcohol, and no matter how I interpret and re-work my understanding of the training, I always react negatively whenever I read that part of the training. I can't do this, I don't accept this, I'm not doing this.
But even with the proscription against consuming alcohol, these are not moral commandments. It doesn't mean that if I drink alcohol, I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean I should feel bad about it. All it means is that when I drink, I'm aware of the possible farther-reaching consequences.
When I'm standing there with a shot glass in hand, I'm going to drink this drink. I, as a person, am the accumulation of many factors and circumstances that has led me to be standing there with this drink in my hand, and I will drink it. The training adds one extra element to drinking it – active awareness of it.
There may come a time when the accumulation of factors and circumstances that make up the person that is me is different. It may be that I've transformed and become a slightly different person, and having trained myself to be mindful of everything that goes into and comes out of drinking, I can refuse the drink as naturally as breathing.
Maybe the training is a protection against drinking becoming an ingrained habit. This is just me, I'm not saying this is true or would work for anyone else. The training isn't even a thought. I'm not thinking, This is bad, or I shouldn't be doing this. It's just a spark. Just recognizing it's a training without thinking what the training is. When time comes to face it, then it can become a thought.
I can never stop drinking and drink for the rest of my life. I can drink myself to death. What I don't want to do is drink blindly as a slave.
current soundtrack: last 10 songs shuffled on iTunes
1. Aerial Boundaries (Michael Hedges)
2. Lady Grinning Soul (David Bowie)
3. The Boxer (Simon & Garfunkel)
4. The Family Solicitor ("Me and My Girl")
5. Alice Springs (Liz Phair)
6. Muzzle (Smashing Pumpkins)
7. Symphony No. 4, I. Adagio, allegro vivace (Beethoven)
8. 85 (Rilo Kiley)
9. Fly Me To the Moon (bossa nova) ("Neon Genesis Evangelion")
10. Wedding (Princess Princess)
