I feel like I'm wasting too much time. I don't know if writing here is wasting time. In itself it's not, but when it's at the end of other wasting time activities, it probably is. It's probably procrastination, but if it's procrastination, then I wouldn't be doing what I'm supposed to be doing anyway, so it doesn't matter how I'm wasting the time. I'd be wasting it anyway.

After class yesterday, me and my two classmates chatted for a little bit, getting acquainted. Etsuko likes singing and is into jazz, so we talked about going to a jazz club this weekend. She's not unattractive. She has elements of pretty, but she wouldn't immediately catch my eye. I've been afraid of looking at her because I don't want be looking for something distinctly attractive. Or unattractive.

After that I rode to a store on Guangfu Road which is the largest store I've found that sells Buddhist stuff. It's a little overpriced, I've bought two meditation bells in Taiwan, and I didn't buy either of them at this store because of the price. I found them cheaper in the Longshan Temple area.

I wanted to get a mala bracelet. I have two that Audrey gave to me, but for some reason I wanted one of my own choosing. I don't think these things are essential practice accoutrement. I kinda see them as advertisement to the world of what you are, and I don't think that sort of ego identification is necessary. That's not necessarily true, that's just me projecting.

I've worn them to remind me to be mindful, but it rarely worked. Because it's constantly there, it just becomes normal there. Anyway, I wanted one that I chose, and it turns out that my preferred one was NT$40, a little over a dollar. One that Audrey gave me was less than that. That was a long time ago. They had ones that were more than US$30.

I wanted to get one to work on mantras from the Liberation Through Wearing. I don't know why, I don't know my motivation. It just occurred to me to do it, and so why not? It might just be wasting time.

Audrey also gave me two other longer strings of beads which can be worn as necklaces or whatever. One of them she gave to our grandfather when he expressed interest in the teachings right before he died. After he died, she gave them to me.

The other she gave me last year when I was considering entering the monastery. These were her special, personal ones, really expensive, I think on the order of US$300. Their smell of sandalwood never fades.

After our communications broke down, I told her I'd give them back to her, as they are rightly hers, but then I said fuck it. Why should I reward her for breaking off communications? If she wants them back, she's going to have to . . . I don't know, do something.

I used to wear them around my wrist, winding them four times around, and that was better for keeping mindfulness, because you can't just ignore that many beads wound around your wrist. I also had to be careful with them because I would hate to have anything happen to them. I stopped wearing them last month when I really felt my practice was gone.