I'm currently floating on endorphin and watching the movie "Secretary".

endorphin:
I did a trial run of the Hayes Street hill for this Sunday's Bay to Breakers, and actually from my apartment to the start of the hill is about the same as the starting line to the hill, so it was a very accurate trial. I know, it's extremely geeky to be testing parts of the course, in my mind that's only for professionals to do, but I'm having doubts about hills, which used to be my strong point.

I'm trying to relax, but my goals are pretty high. This is my first B2B in several years and I only started running again this year. High goals are fine, but I need to relax and not stress about not meeting them. My goals are as follows: 1) complete the race in less than an hour; and 2) finish within the top 1000 runners.

I didn't exactly zoom up the hill today, but it isn't a killer hill, and I was fine afterwards running home through the Castro, adding some extra, steeper hills on 20th Street into the Mission. After the Hayes Street hill, the B2B course is flat or downhill, so I'm hoping to be able to push it after entering Golden Gate Park, when the crowd thins out.

"Secretary":
Recently I've seen two films which portrayed the behavior of cutting. I saw In My Skin by Marina de Van at the SF Int'l Film Festival, and I rented Secretary. I had issues with "In My Skin". The portrayal of cutters was wholly inaccurate, the director didn't even study up on the behavior or try get under the skin of people who cut, and I went away from it feeling she totally exploited the condition for whatever base reason she had. She portrayed cutters as all being seriously disturbed freaks.

"Secretary" was much more sympathetic. Instead of focusing on the gore of the behavior as "In My Skin" did, it focused on the mindset and the psychology, the mentality involved. It didn't portray the mindset or behavior as healthy, but I felt it definitely treated the condition humanely.

These are still people, they still live daily lives, they could be your neighbor, your co-worker, and the behavior may be deviant, but the basic human wants and needs are there. They still want to connect and feel and know that there are people out there with whom they can feel safe and build a relationship or community. "In My Skin" isolates cutters and sends a message that they would never be accepted or understood.

The last shot of "In My Skin" is of the main character's eyes just staring. That was brilliant because it made me think that all you need to know about a cutter is in their eyes. I don't know what I meant by that or even if it was accurate, but then "Secretary" ended the same way. Interesting, no?

Northern Exposure Quote of the Day: Sometimes, Ed, sometimes you just gotta do something bad just to know you're alive.