Of course no one stays in my life for any extended period of time. They cycle in, they cycle out, they cycle back in, they cycle back out. I think I have an idea why now.

When I met up with Jake and Eric and told them I was freelancing with Sadie's band, they assumed it was on drums.

One of the first things Mark Holdaway asked me in Tucson was, "Are you still playing bass?".

When I got back together with Nobuko and Vikki after several years and mentioned I stopped running, they seemed shocked.

When I pushed people this time around to do the Bay to Breakers, they asked, "You run?"

My online journals are split into at least three distinct personalities. People still ask me law related questions (gimme a break!). Some people still insist on thinking I'm of Japanese ancestry. People ask me about my scars because they don't know better, sometimes I give a straight answer, sometimes I'll give them the run around. Most people, I notice them notice, and they don't ask because they know better. And not a one of them will even acknowledge, much less accept, what I assume as a fundamental fact at the core of my being.

No one knows me.

And I intend to keep it that way. I'll abandon the meager community currently in my life and run off to Tucson if I have to in order to keep it that way. I'll run off the face of the earth to keep it that way. I'm glad Meghan ran off so that I'd never have to run away from her.

I'd never want to hurt Sadie, but friendships have their way of going in unexpected directions. I've run off from people I've loved more than Sadie, although I admit Sadie is qualitatively different. I ran off from Fiction, even Jen, who I really did feel a connection with. I ran off from Anita in extenuating circumstances. Anyone before that is ancient history until they cycle around again. If they cycle around again.

And tomorrow evening, I might meet up with the old Oberlin crowd, my first "community" when I moved out here. Cycle in, cycle out.