(Hey, haven't seen you around in a while)
(Hey, haven't seen you around in a while)
(Hey, haven't seen you around in a while)
I didn't go to work for a month
I didn't leave my bed for eight days straight
I haven't hung out with anyone
If I did I'd have nothing to say
I didn't feel angry or depressed
I didn't feel anything at all
I didn't want to go to bed
And I didn't wanna stay up late
When you're living your life, that's the price you pay
Whenever I breathe out, you're breathing it in
- "Whenever You Breathe Out, I Breathe In (Positive Negative)" - (Modest Mouse)
I woke up this morning after four hours of sleep with that gripping feeling that I want to be here and don't want to leave. It's the worst feeling in the world. It's the feeling of a nightmare, it's a feeling of despair; being trapped. It's fear. Hours of sleep later, I get up for real and the feeling is gone.
I don't get angry or depressed anymore. I don't get disappointed or upset anymore. I don't get disillusioned. I don't get let down anymore. I don't feel alone or lonely anymore. I just get verification that I'm done.
The people around me don't matter anymore. The stuff, the material possessions, and what's going to happen with it doesn't matter anymore. The fabric that is existence doesn't matter anymore. I reach out with my senses and touch things, see things, smell things, hear things, and it's all the same thing, the same fabric, and that's all existence is to me. The world is a mirror and I don't see my reflection in it.
