No idea what's going on anymore. Doesn't make sense. Don't know how I feel about it. Don't care. Certain facts are still facts and can't be helped.

I don't think I'm attractive. I don't think there's anything attractive about me to the average person. I think anyone who would be attracted to me would see something very specific, and it would be outside what people generally find attractive. I'm not stating this as fact, I know part of this is low self-esteem.

There is no reason why Hyun Ae should be wanting to spend so much time with me and I'm patiently waiting for it to end. First point of confoundment is that she has a boyfriend, so why does she seem to be treating me in a way that makes me feel like she's attracted to me, our arms rubbing and bumping against each other when we walk, standing tantalizingly close to each other, just killing time being with each other, not doing anything.

The second point of confoundment is that she doesn't seem like the kind of person who would see something specific in me that she's attracted to. And I don't think she's attracted to me. So she can't be attracted to me. But I don't know why she wants to be spending this much time with me.

Finally, I am too old for her. She doesn't know how old I am and I think she'd be absolutely shocked. I don't know how old she thinks I am, but she may be off by as much as 5 years.

We spent all day yesterday together. I left my apartment at 11:30 in the morning to meet up with her, and I didn't get home until about 9:30. I have no explanation. Then this afternoon, she unexpectedly called and said she'd be in my area and we met up. She came over to do some internet research on the bike thing, and then we went to dinner.

Almost every day for over a week we've been spending extended periods of time with each other, and the excuse has always been on her side – the bike research, and she doesn't need me to do this research. Eventually, she'll have to be done with the research and I'll see if she still makes moves to hang out. If she does, I'll help out, too, and start asking her to do things.

But, no, it will still not make any sense, and I can't let myself care.

Saturday July 22, Pentax ZX-5n, Kodak BW400CN:

Zhishan MRT station, Shilin District. untouched CD-R

iTunes soundtrack:
1. Mr. Moustache (Nirvana)
2. I Never Dreamed (Slumber Party)
3. Buy Her Candy (Sleater-Kinney)
4. Script for a Jester's Tear (live) (Marillion)
5. Shy (live) (Ani DiFranco)
6. Out of Site (Built to Spill)
7. Private Eyes (Hall & Oates)
8. Symphony No. 10, II. Allegro (Shostakovich)
9. Wulu Dream (David Darling & the Wulu Bunun)
10. Rain Dogs (live) (Tom Waits)

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