Conflicted and confused now.

The prospects of moving back to New Jersey being a concrete reality now has sent me into stress mode. My stress mode is not a good thing, but it makes me act, react. I'm fully preparing to take the steps necessary to get the hell out of here, contact people, sell stuff, pack shit up, load up truck, drive, drive, drive.

That part of me is taking over and dominating my reality. But I'm just following stress mode slavishly, fight or flight response. Fight and flight, in my case. But it's . . . it's . . . not. It's just not. I need to think, I need to decide, I need to clarify, I need to remember. I need to love, I need to adore, I need to connect. I need to lose, I need to detach, I need to let go, I need to believe.