r anymore. Pain in the leg persists. Pain is supposed to go away. Injury is supposed to heal. New path has to mean something. Still must discover. Still must believe. Any little thing can mean everything. It occurs to me that suicide and anyth
ing else I choose to do, any other path I take or option I choose – they are all the same thing. It doesn't just occur to me, it hits me like a hammer and spins me around. I've given notice on my apartment to lea
ve at the end of June, but I still haven't reserved a U-Haul or doortodoor.com service. My brother did email me today and I told him I gave notice and should be back in New Jersey soon. I haven't told anyone else, not the 'rents. I'm lo
oking into ex-patting in Taiwan. I'm looking into monasteries in Taiwan. Go to a monastery where I can't speak the language. I'm looking into getting there by teaching English and then making the move to the monastery. I still haven't begun gett
ing rid of my stuff, my furniture. I still haven't told any of the people I want to tell I'm leaving, Ed Lee, Lisa, people who are strangely mattering now. There are only people who don't matter and don't give a crap whether I
leave or stay, either way, cheers, good luck. What am I saying? No one matters. There has to be meaning in the path, there has to be discovery in the path, there has to be search in the path, there has to be finding in the path, anything I do is the path. Anything I find is me. "It was you." "No, it was you." Not a g
ood idea. Not a good idea. I'm not sold. It's not a good idea to make a decision when there's no consequence of the decision except the execution of the decision. None of my decisions had consequences, none of my decisions had something next. It's just been decide and execute, decide and exe
cute, decide and execute, decide and execute quit the job, decide and execute quit the band, decide and execute give notice, and the light at the end of the tunnel has always turned out to be. . . just. light. at. the. end. of. the. tunnel. And the Summer sunlight feels good on my face.
