I wonder how many other people find the Tibetan Book of the Dead uplifting. I just find it so re-affirming how the goal in the death betweens is the same goal as when living, at least for people on or searching for the path. Especially the parts when confronted with fierce deities and the recitation is to not succumb to instinctual, habitualized fear (from living), and to recognize that they are you.

I find that makes me happy because it meshes with my belief that my reality and perception of it is my creation, it is me, it's a reflection of my psychology or psychological state. So even though I bought boxes today for the move, and realized how tired I am and I don't think I can make it, don't think I can do it, I can't succumb to negative instincts or make a habit out of them. I don't want that negative evolution, and I'm in a strange person who can actually control that stuff!

I am tired, and I'm doubting whether I can make it, but stay light, don't be despondent, don't be depressed, don't get weighed down. Don't habituate negative instincts. If I die, don't go out in fear or confusion or hate or angst. Don't cling, don't desire, don't attach. What have I been writing all this time, and realize it means something to me. And everything that has been coming to me with meaning, everything that has been resonating in this lifetime, has meant suicide, so don't feel heavy about that either.

I am so tired. I don't have the strength. Now read that again without sounding despondent.