Egad, I wish I would stop writing entries like the last one. How many times have I written something like that before. It's like I'm repeating myself over and over again. It's like I'm repeating myself over and over again.

I've been going through email exchanges with Madoka over the past year, wondering if claiming to "drop" her was justified. First of all, all that meant was lowering my emotional investment in her to match what I've been getting feeling from her. Second of all, no, it wasn't justified. Not yet.

The pattern indicating that things have changed may be traced to more than a year ago, but indicators that really furrowed my brow only go back to November, and that's not long enough to establish a pattern showing that the nature of our friendship has changed. We've been through worse. Given the chance, we'll go through better.

Going back for more than a year and including since November, yes, lowering my emotional investment is warranted*. I know what I'm sensing, I'm not crazy or being overly-dramatic (anymore). It's unilateral and from her side, she won't notice anything. I know I'm just as theoretically "important" to her as before, but there's a huge break in the connection. It's appropriate that she doesn't notice any change, because we can bounce back at any time, and any negativity caused by my whining about our friendship would be moot, and therefore not worth it.

* ok, ok, I'm aware that I defined "dropping" as lowering emotional investment and that it was not justified in the first paragraph, but then I'm saying that lowering emotional investment is warranted in the second paragraph. deal with it, you're adults. - ed.