I go through days as a ghost. When I'm home, no one knows I'm here, what I'm doing, what I'm like, what I feel. The chance interactions I have are arbitrary and unnecessary. When I'm out and about I've taken to imagine not existing, fading in and out, mostly out, of wherever I am; don't need to be here.

I feel it all the way through and through that this does not need to be here; it isn't here. I don't look at people anymore, I don't make any eye contact. Remove me and nothing changes, I'm not here. And I'm lucky because I can still feel how wonderful it is to breathe, to feel the air, to be on the ground, and to perceive all this around me.

Not existing is my meditation. Sometimes I take it so far I have to put reality back together piece by piece in my mind to re-form it. Weird. Why am I even trying to describe this?

It's just me now. I've disconnected so much that no one else is a consideration. No one else ever should have been a consideration. To the extent they were, it was just my imagination. It was always just about me. I do what I want to do, if I don't, it's because I didn't want to. Stop giving a crap how anyone else might be affected, that's such bullshit. I feel like I should break into song right about here.