Nothing new. Tracking high tides. Why are places taking so long to do stuff? I took in negatives to the photo store for reprints and it took them two days. I took my bike in for maintenance and it's gonna take two days. Stretching time out. Postponements.

I gotta give notice on my apartment at the end of this month. I got called for jury duty the first week of June. Finally. I hope I get an interesting case, I hope I don't get booted by one side or the other for having a law degree.

I got an email from Madoka. The turnaround was unusually quick and the tone was unusually affectionate. If it were a year ago, I wouldn't think twice, but at this point it's a little suspicious. The thing is, there is nothing to be suspicious about Madoka. No hidden agenda, nothing to watch out for. The fact that I can't explain the last year changes only very little.

It doesn't matter anymore anyways. Nothing does. And I can't explain anything about my entire life for the last 10 years; not being able to explain one year of one person in my life is really nothing.

It's so quiet in here.

It's been a while since I read about someone in the online community dying. It's always so sad, even if it's someone you don't know. It's always so moving to read people's reactions; to read how the deceased meant something to other people. I haven't been able to find mention of how that person died. I find it curious when people report a death, but don't mention how. What does that mean when they don't?

I've been following two other weblogs of people who have experienced suicide of close relations, and the concept is central to their weblogs. I don't link them because I might be offensive to them. I don't think they would accept anything I say about suicide.

Why am I different? Not that anyone believes that I'm gonna commit suicide. Even I don't have any reason to believe I'm gonna do it unless I get up and walk out the door right now. Right now. I said, right now. See? I ain't gonna do it. But I am different. The reasons are mine alone. It's no one else's business, no one has the fucking right to know.

The stars are so bright through the roof of the trees.

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. And I didn't have my coffee until later in the day. I didn't know it would take two days to tune up my bike so I walked from the Haight to Civic Center. I'm still coughing and I just got cough drops tonight. I'm in my ninth hour of hiccups and I'm exhausted and worn. I feel lucky if my hiccups last less than 18 hours. I get Xtreme hiccups.